Nodus Tollens
by Defenestrated-Nutter
Summary: After the battle of Dressrosa, Law deals with the feelings and memories Doflamingo's defeat inflicted. A journey about how a caged bird becomes free and has to remember how to fly again.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there^^**

**I know, I know, I should be updating chapters on my main story… but I'm currently having an enormous writers-block so yeah, I thought maybe focusing on a smaller story could help, and if it didn't then at least my account would have more content I suppose. Plus, it just feels good to share the drama and emotional baggage I like to inflict on the characters with you guys. **

**IMPORTANT NOTES****: this story will deal with some issues that you might find triggering, such as references to minor character's death, references to grief, some signs of depression, anxiety, references to amputation and injury recovery, sexual content. Although I'm by no means expert in any of these matters, please be aware of this. **

**A bit of cannon divergence on the amount of time it took them to recover from the battle of Dressrosa and arrive at Zou, and on what they did meanwhile. Maybe Law and Luffy are a bit OOC too, but I tried my best while being sleep-deprived and caffeine-induced only. Plus, poor Law over here doesn't know how much he's worth.**

**Disclaimer****: I don't own anything related to One Piece.**

**I hope you like this piece.**

* * *

**A journey about how a caged bird becomes free and has to remember how to fly again.**

As Law watches Luffy giving the final punch right at Doflamingo's face, he feels like he's in a dream, in a bubble, just watching everything unfold from afar, without being able to do much other than just taking in the moment, making sure he doesn't miss anything, any detail, making sure it really is the final blow. It's almost like he's watching the movie of his life unroll right before his eyes, showing all the suffering, all the waiting, all the plans, just for that precise moment to happen, just for Doflamingo to get some of what he deserves.

The words Law said out loud to infuriate Doflamingo during their battle only a few hours ago play on his mind then, over and over, and he realizes just how true they are, how true the fact that the straw-hats really can cause miracles to happen is, and all of it feels so odd, so foreign. He was expecting this outcome for so long, imagining it, planning every detail, but now he can't help but be filled with a bittersweet feeling, overlapping all the enthusiasm and excitement.

As Doflamingo gets sent flying through the ground, it's almost like Law's purpose on life went down with him, hitting the pitch that is the underground hidden underneath Dressrosa, now uncovered and exposed for everyone to see. For thirteen years the only thing on his mind was his savage need for revenge, the need to make Doflamingo pay for Cora-san's death. It was all his life rotated around and now that he's finally seeing it happening in front of his own eyes, now that he's finally seeing Doflamingo's reign over Dressrosa fall, now that his purpose is finally complete, he couldn't feel more empty, as if everything he fought for suddenly had no meaning at all.

He feels his heart clenching, aching as if someone was squishing it, and it takes all of his remaining strength to use his abilities one last time, to push himself to make a _room_ large enough to reach Luffy and bring him closer, to check his vitals and his wounds, to make sure he's alive, to feel his presence. It drains everything out of him, and he feels the air getting sucked out of his lungs and all his muscles tightening once Luffy's body successfully appears on the rooftop, landing more harshly than what he intended it too. He barely registers Rebecca crawling in Luffy's direction right after, but he wants to stop her, wants to send her away along with Viola, wants to scream at her once she finally gets close enough to touch Luffy, once she lifts his head to put it on her lap. But he's not able to, and it's with anger that he watches as she starts crying and sobbing loudly, as he watches her tears falling onto Luffy's face, getting mixed with all the blood and the scratches covering it.

Law can't help but feel his blood pumping fast and loudly on his ears, and he finds it so difficult to breath that he has no other choice than to just lay down, letting his sour muscles find rest against the hard surface of the rooftop for a little while. He feels like his whole body is shrinking, getting tighter and tighter around his bones, aching so badly even keeping his eyes open and his face towards the sky is too much. But he does so anyway, watching with a sense of pride as Doflamingo's cage around Dressrosa starts to fall apart, the strings disappearing from the top down.

It's only when the sky above him starts shining over the country without any barrier that the overwhelming realization of Doflamingo's defeat finally strikes in. It's only then that, for the first time, he recalls that he's free, and he tries to stop the tears from falling down his cheeks and from getting lost in his neck, but his remaining energy doesn't allow him to do anything other than cover than his eyes with his hat and bite his bottom lip to stop his sobs from coming out, to allow himself to retain some sense of dignity.

He hates how he feels the ecstasy and fulfillment leave his body like they are physical things, so fast that it's almost like they were never truly there, almost as if he didn't wait for that outcome for a great part of his life. He though defeating Doflamingo would bring him peace, would stop the guilt and anger from consuming him, would stop his feeling of uselessness and weakness, but it didn't, not at all. He still _let_ Doflamingo take advantage of him, overpower him, mock him, _fuck_, even cut his arm off, all because he was too weak, too reckless, too stupid, and suddenly the tears falling from his eyes aren't from fulfillment anymore, and instead turn into something else Law can't quite put into words, can't quite explain, a mixture of rage and despair.

_Despair_.

He covers his eyes with his closed fists, trying to stop his headache from building up, to stop his memories, to stop his mind, and he feels his nails digging into his palms, pinching the skin so hard he wouldn't be surprised if there was blood already pouring out and getting mixed up with his tears. When his body starts shaking, there's not much he can do to stop it, to control it, and neither can he stop his heart from beating furiously against his ribcage almost like it's trying to get out. It makes him feel like a hopeless child all over again and he hates every second of it to his core.

He senses Viola's eyes on him then, reading him, analyzing him, and he wishes that he could do something to poke them out, to prevent her from seeing him like that, but he can't bring himself to, can't bring himself to do anything other than to try and control his body.

He tries to remind himself once more that he's finally free, letting the words play over his head over and over again, but deep down he knows that a bird that is caged for too long doesn't remember how to fly right away.

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Law doesn't know how long it took him to get his body under control again, doesn't know how much time passed since all the events unfolded, doesn't know if maybe he passed out for a little while either. He feels like hours have passed, his mind being too exhausted to process everything around him, so he keeps his eyes shut and doesn't open them even once he starts hearing voices around him, loud and happy but far away, like in another dimension, celebrating the freedom most of them didn't even know they lacked, chanting the stupid name Luffy came up with at the Corrida Colosseum.

Then, a few others catch his attention, closer, much closer and louder, more annoying. _The Straw-hats_, Law realizes quite easily, and he no doubt feels some weight falling down of his shoulders, making him feel lighter, _they're all fine_.

He cracks one eye open just in time to see Viola standing up and walking towards the edge of the rooftop with a smile on her face, waving and calling them with a voice full of emotion and happiness. Law tries to get up too then, to get some kind of composure over his own body, to try and pretend he's fine too, but he can't do more than sitting upright without having to stop to catch his breath, an excruciating pain rushing down his back right after, picking at his veins. The arm Leo stitched back on feels odd and foreign, like it was never even part of his body before, and it's so useless he can barely even put any strength on it once he tries to stand up again, this time succeeding although miserably.

He watches as, one by one, the straw-hats climb to the rooftop, all of them immediately heading towards Luffy to check on him, to make sure he's alive, only for then to lift him effortlessly, putting him on top of that damn ugly sparrow and stating that there are too many marines around for them to stay on plain eyesight and exposed. Law tries to help them, but gets near too late, barely even stumbling his way towards that stupid drawing like he's a drunk man. He tries to move Luffy into a better position, one that won't injury him even further, but even the act of standing on his feet his torture.

"Careful there," Zoro says close to him, too close, grabbing Law by his elbow just hard enough to keep him upright, his voice so low it's almost like Law had imagined it. He easily brushes him off, glaring at him but without having the desired effect, all the straw-hats having stopped reacting to him as a treat a while ago. "You should go on the bird too."

Zoro's words are simple, and Law's aware they're probably meaningless too, just a simple observation, a simple remark, but at the same time, Law can't stop himself from perceiving them as an offense. _You'll only slow us down. You can't even stand straight. So weak_.

Law tries to brush it off, but he knows too well that it's the damn truth, so instead, he tightens his grip on Kikoku, feeling its weight over his shoulder, and finds himself a place on top of the sparrow, it struggling with the sudden addiction on weight.

_I'm weak, a burden, just like I always was_.

Luffy's just in front of him, laying down and occupying most of the sparrow's back, snoring loudly and mumbling on his deep sleep. Looking down at him, it's almost like the guy is just peacefully sleeping and, if it wasn't for the teared-up clothes and the blood all over him, it would almost be like nothing had happened at all. And it frustrates Law so much, makes him so mad how everyone around them seem so oblivious, how everyone seems to be completely unaware of just how much pain Luffy must be in, how much his whole body must feel like it's exploding from the inside out, burning, reconstructing itself while still looking calm and serene.

Law tries his best to make that fact a bit less true by using the energy he had managed to regain. He puts a hand over Luffy's chest and uses his _room_ to help the other captain heal his wounds a bit faster. He stops paying attention to where they're heading, doesn't even keep his eyes open to acknowledge their surroundings, his mind being too focused on what he's sensing underneath his palm, all the damage and pain and pure exhaustion, but also the calm and regular beating of Luffy's heart. Law gets so focused on his task that it's almost like his own life depends on it. He thinks of it as the least he could do in that situation, after everything, almost like he's paying his debt towards Luffy even though he won't even be aware of that fact once he wakes up.

Law does it because he feels the need to do so, feels the need to be helpful, to at least do something right, to at least pretend his role in the whole picture mattered. He does it for as long as the ride lasts, only stopping once they reach a small house on top of a floral hill, so exposed and in such an open field that it's almost like they're inviting the marines to find them. And he does it afterwards too, bandaging Luffy's wounds the best he can manage despite his whole body complaining and hurting with each movement, despite the stitches holding his arm feeling like they'll rip off every time he puts too much force and weight on it.

Usopp tries to stop him at first, with his shaky and high-pitched voice stating that Law should treat his own wounds first and get some rest too, but Law quickly shoves him aside, paying him no mind, too focused on the man lying down in front of him. Why would he treat himself and rest when the person that handled it all couldn't? What right did he have to even think about doing such a thing?

The whole process takes him more time than what it should have, considering how many times he had to bandage people throughout his life, and he's completely aware of all the eyes on his back, craving holes on his skull, probably wondering if he has gone mad, but none of them says anything, they just let him do what he has to do, and for that Law's thankful.

It's only after it all that Law allows himself to finally relax. It's only when there's nothing else he can do to improve Luffy's condition than to leave him alone that he allows himself to rest, laying down on the floor right next to the bed, not managing to get much further away from the straw-hat's circle. He puts Kikoku underneath his head, and he's uncomfortable beyond words, the floor being cold and hard against his back, but he finds that none of it matters as he quickly drives into sleep, hearing Luffy's snoring and the Straw-hats talking to each other on the background, a feeling of company and warmth filling up his chest.

After that, Law ended up taking care of Luffy for as long as it took him to wake up. He changed his bandages more times than what he needs too, checked on his pulse and temperature more often than not but, mostly, he just sat by the bed, Kyro's bed as he later found out, looking and expecting something he couldn't quite put into words, seeing as Luffy's face twitched with his dreams, hearing his incomprehensive mumbles. He did it because he lacked anything else better to do, lacked the will to bear with the straw-hats noise for more than a few minutes, lacked the security Luffy irradiates even while unconscious. And he didn't even mind staying that way for two whole days, taking care of Luffy, but once he woke up, or better yet, gained conscious for just long enough to shove food inside of his mouth, Law started avoiding him like the plague, like seeing him laughing and talking loudly and eating was a painful realization that everything could've unfolded a lot differently, that everything could've gone on a much more dark path. And the sensation is just like receiving a punch in the face.

And it's weird really, after all, they were still hiding inside of Kyro's minuscule house and, even if Law went outside to pretend to do something, there weren't that many walks he could do on the flower field by himself without being questioned. But, at the same time, Law finds it easy to avoid him, so easy it's ridiculous, mostly because Luffy keeps zoning on and off of his sleeping state, and that leaves him with a little amount of time awake, it being mostly spent eating and hearing his friends beaming with excitement about some stupid fucking story.

Somewhere inside of his chest, Law feels his heart sinking every time he's successful, every time he ignores Luffy's calling his name only for his attention to be quickly caught by someone else, every time he manages to leave the house once Luffy wakes up, stating that he's going to check the surroundings, or every time he manages to check and change Luffy's bandages without waking him up. Every time, it's almost like his heart is suddenly too heavy for his ribcage to hold, like it's crushing all the other organs underneath.

And Law finds quite early that it's too much for him to handle, so much so that when the news of the marines were finally taking action and stopped pretending they didn't know about their location, Law couldn't be gladder. But then there's one name reaches his ears, and one name only. _Sengoku_. His presence in Dressrosa was unexpected, was a kick in Law's stomach from his fucking luck, from his fucking faith, because from all people it had to be _him_.

Law doesn't think much about his actions when he steps away from the group during their escape, they being too focused on their own shit to pay attention to him, doesn't think much when he goes to try and find Sengoku right in the middle of the marines camp, doesn't think much when he confronts him and reveals how he was related to Cora-san, doesn't think much about Sengoku's reaction. And maybe he did a mistake, or maybe it was the best thing he could've done, but he has no way of knowing, not now and probably not ever, the only thing he could tell for certain being how overwhelming hearing Sengoku talk was, how him saying that Cora-san only betrayed him one and one time only made Law feel even more guilty, even more disgusted with himself.

Law's confront with Sengoku about the meaning of the D. didn't help, and neither did saying out loud how he was sure Cora-san only helped him because of that damn letter make it any truer. In fact, it only resulted in making everything worse, more confused, a blur on his brain mixed with the blur on his eyes from his tears, threatening to pour out and he barely even managing to hold them back properly.

He doesn't know how he managed to reach the Straw-hats after that, doesn't know how he managed to find them at all or how he managed to get on the ship that took them away from Dressrosa, the whole country becoming a commotion once again, too loud and too crowded, too many people everywhere, too many marines everywhere. His mind was too overwhelmed by Sengoku, and his words play on his head over and over again, like a haunting he can't get rid off, repeating painfully inside his brain, making him numb, empty.

_Don't try to find a reason for someone's love!_

Orlumbus' flagship, the Yonta Maria, is also too much to handle. The feast, the other pirates, the noise, everything is just _too much_ and Law can't help but feel like he's suffocating with everyone's enthusiasm, with everyone's happiness, with their laughs and their drunkenness. So much that, every time someone tries to talk or approach him he just feels like there's vermin crawling underneath his skin, eating his flesh, making him rot from the inside out. He wishes he could make a _room_ large enough to send everyone flying away into the sea, but he can't, the ship is too big and he's too weak for that right now, too fucking _weak_.

But the ship's size may as well be the only real good thing about the whole situation, it not being that hard to find a place to be left alone, despite having so many people on board. Law doesn't know at what time in the night exactly, but at some point he found himself on the back of the ship, looking at the dark extension of the ocean around it with no one else to bother him, the party having come down to an end. He can't quite explain what he felt once he realized Dressrosa was nowhere to be seen or once he realized it was finally a finished chapter in his life. He just knows that, whatever it was, Nico Robin managed to dissolve it, to scatter everything to pieces while sneaking up on him like only she knows how to.

She doesn't say anything at first, approaching him slowly and deliberately, like a predator approaches its prey, but the next thing he knows he's grabbing the railing like he's holding on for dear life, getting ready for the impact, and he knows it's ridiculous, he truly does, but he can't stop himself from feeling uneasy with her presence, underneath her observant eyes, being so easily read like one of her books.

"You archived your goal by taking down Doflamingo, didn't you?" It's all she says, and Law can't stop his blood from boiling up inside of him. Deep down he wants to laugh at her, but it all comes down to a snort, a pathetic sound that leaves his mouth.

Law lost count at how many times he heard the same story about Doflamingo's defeat over the course of the few hours he stayed on that fucking ship. Lost count at how many times he heard the same story told by different people, with different points of view, everyone just trying to show the others how much their role mattered, how much they accomplished, how many people they beat, and it all makes Law so mad it's beyond words. They did so much. They accomplished so much. But the truth is that Doflamingo's still alive. The truth is that, despite him being defeated and held prisoner by the navy, he's still alive, he's still a treat, he's still a presence on Law's head and underneath his skin, mocking him, laughing at him, at his plans, at how weak he was during the fight, at how he didn't manage to kill him, at how he had to rely so much on Luffy, at how he didn't manage to fucking do _anything _than to make a fool out of himself.

So he just looks at her, right in her fucking eyes, and doesn't expect her to understand anything, because none of them seem to get it. Not Luffy, not her, not the rest of the Straw-hats, not any fucking one on that damn ship. Not at all. Not even one slight bit.

"Leave me alone," he says instead, and she does without arguing, without saying anything, just looking at him for a while and then nodding, leaving Law all by himself in the silence and darkness of the night, just looking towards the empty sea, Sengoku's words playing once again on his mind.

_If you want to do something in his memory, both you and I should always remember him. That's good enough. And you live your life as you like. That's what he would say._

And it pains Law so much how that is so much easier said than done.

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The next few days pass by like a blur. Three weeks is the amount of time it will take them to finally reach Zou. Three weeks is the amount of time it will take him to see his crew again. Three fucking weeks. And fucking hell, doesn't that seem like an eternity, doesn't that seem like Bartolomeo's crew is just taking so long on purpose.

He spends his days doing nothing, closed inside of the ship's ward during the day, pacing around in circles or just staring into space, and walking around the deck during the night, with no path and unconsciously, unable to sleep properly for more than a couple of hours without being awaken by nightmares, so vivid and so frightening it's hard to distinguish what's real and what's not afterwards, to distinguish what are memories and what was a product of his stupid imagination.

Luffy comes to talk to him at some point, on a night just like the others, when Law found himself restlessly walking around Bartholomeo's ship without being able to fall asleep, his mind always on alert mode and his body cold, just like he was expecting something bad to happen sooner or later. And it was inevitable really, Law knows, and he's aware the only reason it hadn't happened sooner was because he kept avoiding Luffy just like he did at Kyro's house, was because Luffy had so many people and so much food around him that he didn't even notice Law in the background.

But even knowing he couldn't avoid Luffy forever didn't make that fact any easier to swallow, and it still managed to catch him unprepared.

Law had passed by the ridiculously shaped figurehead, resembling Luffy but at the same time looking nothing like him, only a wooden figure with dead eyes, then walked by the area of the mikan trees where he ended up staying for a while, hearing the wind rush through the leaves and enjoying the smell, contrasting with the usual odor of saltwater and reminding him of the scent the Straw-hat's navigator always had on her. He stopped by the stern of the ship and almost touched one of the ornaments occupying each side, looking just like Chopper's antlers, just bigger, way bigger. And there's where Luffy had found him. He didn't make as much noise as Law expected him to, but instead moved quietly, without saying a word, even his sandals not making a sound while hitting the wood of the deck, him approaching Law so slowly it was like he was expecting him to run away. And Law can't blame him, after all, he would do just that if only there was a place he could run to. Instead, Law grabs the railing harder, until his stitched arm starts hurting, until he feels his teeth clenching together, until his whole body goes stiff.

Luffy's gets close to him, too close, standing right next to him, his scent filling Law's nostrils and his presence being too overwhelming despite Law staring blankly into the dark ocean just ahead, pretending nothing is happening. Luffy thanks him from saving his crew and the Sunny from Doflamingo at the beginning, thanks him from saving him at the end, when everything was over and when he lost his strength with Gear Fourth_**,**_ and then apologizes for letting Law get so badly injured. And it's weird really, how Luffy keeps his voice so low it's barely a whisper, like it's a secret, his tone so soft it's unlike him.

As Law looks down at him for the first time that night, he sees him with his face pointing to the other way, his straw-hat dangling on his neck with the wind and his head slightly ducked, his posture so tense it makes Law wonder if maybe he too didn't know how to approach the subject. It makes Law relax a little bit, his breath coming out like the air was stuck inside of his lungs.

He waits a while until Luffy turns his face to him, looking up with expecting eyes, but Law only gives him a small smile in return, and he hopes Luffy understands what it means. _Thank you for defeating Doflamingo despite it not being in our initial plans. Thank you for carrying me around despite how embarrassing it was. Thank you for getting the keys to the handcuffs. Thank you for being my ally. Thank you for coming to Punk Hazard. Thank you for not dying, not now and not two years ago._

And it's weird really, how Luffy truly seems to get it, to get everything, to read right through him much easily than what Nico Robin or Viola could ever do. It makes Law uneasy all over again, and he can't do more than sigh and look ahead again, staring at the nothing in front of them. He feels his head heavy, putting too much pressure on his neck and on his shoulders, and, from the corner of his eye, he notices Luffy still looking at him, with that dumb curious look on his face that he always has when he finds something remotely interesting, probably sensing Law's discomfort. And it all just makes Law truly angry.

"You and your crew were all too reckless. You could've blown everything up," Law tells him after a while of silence, lacking anything better to say but wanting to do something other than stare blankly at the temporary trail left by the ship on the surface of the sea, white foam contrasting with the dark water.

The response gets a few seconds to arrive, and for a moment Law wonders if probably Luffy didn't hear him, but then he let's out a snort, an unpleasant sound, and it makes Law turn his head to look at him, finding nothing on Luffy's face, just a blank expression, still staring at him. "Says the one that I thought had died multiple times."

It's such a raw statement that it catches Law out of guard and feels like a punch in the gut. And it makes him laugh really, a bitter sound leaving his mouth instead of a pleasant one. He really had been close to dying more times than what he wants to think about, more times than what he wants to admit to himself, but he knows that, in reality, it was not like his death would've matter that much. He knows, and he's sure Luffy knows too, that Luffy would bee able to defeat Doflamingo on his own just the same, either Law had been there or not, and it's hard to admit, but it's true. Law always thought he was playing the Straw-hats but, in the end, he was barely even playing himself. "I would've died for a reason."

Luffy crosses his arms in front of his chest then, in defiance, and Law's not surprised to see a frown on his face, and neither is he surprised when the other captain voices out loud his simple mind and his simple logic. "Dying with and without a reason is still dying."

"It's not the same thing and you know it," Law bites back and feels the blood pumping on his ears, his heart beating with the thrill of a conflict emerging, and he can't stop himself from taking it further. "Tell me, did you know Nico Robin-_ya_ used her body to protect me from Doflamingo?"

And it's true, she did it. Even though Law's sure she knew exactly how much she was risking with that action she still decided to do it. Even though she had no way of knowing Cavendish would show up and help them in the end she still _did it_. And from the look on Luffy's face, he didn't know about that, it being too conveniently omitted on all the conversations and stories that were told regarding that day.

However, Luffy didn't react the way Law wanted him to. In fact, other than his eyes growing a bit bigger, he didn't even move, his face didn't even twitch.

"And?" He just calmly asked, unbothered, and it all made Law grown angrier.

"_And_ what?" Law snaps, hitting the railing with his closed fists, his stitched arm complains but he was too focused on looking at Luffy to notice, too angry at the blank expression he was wearing, impossible to read, impossible to interpret. Luffy doesn't even react to his snapping, almost as if it didn't bother him, almost as if he has nothing to fear from Law, almost as if he doesn't consider him a treat at all. "Why do you allow shit like that?" Law snaps again, getting closer to Luffy, to his face, trying to find a way to provoke a reaction on him, to make him angry. "She could've died for nothing."

The look Luffy gives him then tells him he's pushing it, getting under his nerve, and its exactly what Law was wanting, finding it exciting, thrilling. "Robin's free to do whatever she wants. She wanted to protect you and that's what she did. Dying to protect a friend is not dying for _nothing_."

"I'm not your friend," Law bites back, low, challenging, but, of course, Luffy reacts with the same lack of fear as he did before, with the same lack of caution.

"Yes, you are," Luffy simply declares instead, and Law knows it's useless to argue with him about that, him being too goddamn stubborn to see the reality in front of him even if it hit him like a brick wall. "And now that you mentioned, Cabbage told me you were willing to die with me if I did."

_Of course he did. Of fucking course he did_. Law thinks, and it's the only fucking thing his mind does before going completely blank, before turning completely useless. He suddenly feels like a kid all over again, caught by his mother stealing chocolate from the kitchen, and it makes the anger inside of him burn out like the fire of a candle after a blow.

_Where you ready to die for me? Where you ready to die for nothing at all as well?_

Law prepares himself for those questions, for a remark, to be ridiculed a bit further, but Luffy doesn't ask or say anything similar to that, doesn't mock him, doesn't care. "Did you really think I wouldn't beat Mingo's ass?" Luffy asks instead, and for a moment it almost makes Law laugh, a real laugh, at him, at himself, at this whole fucking situation because of course that's the question that mattered most to Luffy, from all things. Of fucking course. Law should've known better.

"No, I didn't_," _Law answers, and it may as well be the sincerest thing he has said that night. "But there was a possibility and I was the one who brought you into the mess. It would be only fair."

_I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if someone else died at Doflamingo's hands because of me_, Law realizes then, and he doesn't need to look at Luffy to know he isn't satisfied with his answer, doesn't even need to look at his face, it being plain obvious on the way Luffy's body twitched, how his posture next to him changed.

It was plainly obvious, and yet he didn't question Law any further, just sighed and frowned, his hands going to rest on his hips. "I was there on my own will. So was my crew. We did what we wanted. It was our choice. Stop being so complicated about things."

And, once again, it's easier said than done. Being overly complicated was Law's design, was a part of him, was a part of his method to make his plans, overthink about everything that could've happened differently in order to come up with the best possible solution. He couldn't just stop, it wasn't that simple.

Law realizes the conversation was pointless. Luffy would never hear him, would never understand his logic, after all he's too obtuse, too stubborn. They fall into silence then, both of them just looking ahead, doing nothing, and he senses Luffy getting impatient after a few minutes, hitting his nails against the railing with a rhythm Law doesn't recognize, hitting with his foot against the deck, the sound of his sandals echoing against the wood, sighing every once in a while.

He doesn't mind the silence, not at all, and deep down he hopes it will make Luffy go away, will make him bored, but time passes by and neither of them moves, Luffy showing no signs of intending to leave him alone anytime soon, and it makes Law feel on edge, uneasy.

"Why didn't you kill him?" Law hears himself ask then, before he has time to think about what he's doing. He needs to know, needs to know what stopped him, what made him think only putting Doflamingo unconscious was good enough.

Law feels his body getting tense while he waits for a response, feels his jaw tightening, but Luffy just shrugs and responds with a simple and childish "Dunno."

It's infuriating really. "You should've."

Luffy moves to look up at him, turning his back to the sea and resting on the railing with his elbows. He looks thoughtful for a while, and Law knows he's taking in the implications of what he just said. "What good would kill him bring anyway. It's not like it would change anything."

_It would've changed everything_, Law thinks, grabbing the railing until his knuckles turn white. He can't expect Luffy to know in detail what happened in Law's past. And even if he did, Law can't expect Luffy to really understand it, to know what it felt like, to know how it crushed his soul, how it changed Law and turned him to what he is today. As he looks down at Luffy, he can't really expect any of that, but he wants to, so bad it makes him angry.

He swallows hard then, feeling his body so hot with anger he may as well be burning, hearing the voice on his head mocking him. _Would you be able to sleep in peace then? Would you eat normally then? Would you celebrate his death? Would it give your life more meaning? Would it make you feel better about yourself, about what happened?_ And it's too much, just _too fucking much_, his mind, the silence, the ship, Luffy's eyes still staring at him, expectant, shinny, so full of life and acceptance that he wants to burn them, melt them until they're just two black holes on Luffy's face.

So instead Law hits him, his closed fist hitting Luffy's face so hard he feels the skull against his knuckles, using so much strength that he feels the stitches holding his own arm ripping off. And he hates how much he regrets it right after, hates how loud Luffy's head bangs against the wooden deck, hates how the blood starts dripping from his own knuckles down his fingers, hates how he's not able to say anything before Luffy punches him back, so hard Law feels his whole skull trembling, his ears ringing.

They fight for a while, fighting for dominance, but not to injury each other, using their bare fists, no haky, no weapons, no abilities, just raw punches that hurt so much on their own way. It's brutal, exhausting and exciting all the same, a sudden urge of pure animalistic rage rushing through him, making him feel more alive than what he has ever felt in the past few days, his blood pumping on his ears, boiling hot, his heartbeat racing with every punch he gives and takes.

As Law looks at Luffy, he sees how he's mirroring himself, his eyes looking so predatory and so alive it startles him. It doesn't take long for Luffy to overpower him after that, and before Law knows it, he's falling against the deck with Luffy on top of him, still punching, still breaking his defenses no matter how many times Law tries to bring them up, still fighting despite Law only having enough energy to block a few of his punches. In fact, Luffy only stops when he too gets tired, gasping hard for oxygen, his chest expanding and contracting fast, looking down at Law with a bloody grin before letting himself fall onto the deck too. They stay in silence for a while then, both of them catching their breaths while contemplating the dark sky above them, filled with bright stars.

"If you were fighting against who killed your brother, wouldn't you kill him?" Law asks after a while, his voice low and lacking the anger that was consuming him before.

"I can't give you an answer to that. I don't know what I would do," Luffy answers simply, turning his face side to be able to look at Law, their eyes then meeting. He touches the scar on his chest then, looking vulnerable and still full of determination to make his point across. "I just know it wouldn't bring Ace back."

Law keeps eyes on him, even after Luffy turns his face to the sky again. There's blood everywhere, dripping from their noses and their bruised lips, on their clothes, on the deck underneath them. It's a mess, but Law couldn't care less, too occupied wishing he could just be so bluntly honest like Luffy is, wishing he could express himself and be understood like that.

"You don't need to worry about Mingo anymore. He's not coming back. And even if he did, I would just kick his ass again," Luffy says, staring at the sky and crossing his arms in front of his chest, and Law can't help but believe him, feels the need to do so.

"You know we're not going to sail together for much longer," Law says instead, letting a laugh out once Luffy frowns at him.

"I would find a way," he mutters, and Law doesn't doubt he would.

They stay like that for a while, and Law pretends he doesn't notice Luffy snuggling closer, his head awkwardly pressing against Law's shoulder. Law finds that he doesn't mind it either, actually enjoys his presence, helps him calm down, makes him think about things other than just his misery. But eventually, Luffy starts yawing more and more often and refuses to go to sleep when Law tells him to, refuses to leave him alone and, despite wanting to stay for a bit longer, Law follows him.

Neither of them says anything as they cross the ship to go to the men's quarters, there's no need to. However, once they get to the door, Law stops with his hand on the handle and looks back at Luffy. He wants to say thank you, to say _something_, but the words get caught in his throat once his eyes catch Luffy's, him looking straight him with a soft and sleepy expression on his face.

Law ends up not saying anything at all, finds that he's unable to, just uses his room to fix the mess of their faces, to treat the swelling and the cuts. The blood could be dealt with in the morning. Luffy gives him a small smile after Law's done, and it's almost like he knows, like he understands what goes through Law's mind, and he tries not to think too much about it once he finds himself a bed, tries not to overthink.

Surprisingly, Law has no nightmares that night.

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**Feel free to leave a comment or a PM^^ I hope you all have a happy 2020!**

**_Nodus Tollens_**** \- the realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore. **

**_Mamihlapinatapai_**** – a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey there^^**

**So this chapter took a little longer to upload than what I first anticipated. The hot stuff for you horny readers will come in the next chapter, but for now, I hope you enjoy ~**

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One night, Law dreams that he can't wake up. He knew it was a dream from the beginning but let it play either way. It all started quite normally, just a dream where one revives past daily events, him just eating and walking around the deck like he normally does when awake. It only shifted when he couldn't bear with it anymore and went to bed to force himself to wake up, ending up just waking up in another dream, like in another reality, the same room but a different feeling, a different ambiance, darker, scarier, more uneasy. And it all became worse from there.

Every time he tried to wake up, he just managed to get himself into another dream, just like getting through layer after layer, and it all became progressively more difficult to do so. The room kept getting smaller and smaller, and the people sleeping around him started to disappear, one after another, until there was just his bed in the men's quarters, until he couldn't move any part of his body except for his eyes, watching as the walls started to close on him but without being able to stand up and leave through the door, it so close and shiny, inviting but so out of reach. He could hear Doflamingo's laugh and his footsteps in the background, getting closer and louder, could feel his strings inside of his body, moving around through his veins, ripping him apart from the inside out, but he still couldn't move his limbs to get away, and it only made him more and more anxious as time went by.

He doesn't remember what happened after that, just knows that he woke up, for real this time, because he could feel every single one of his muscles hurting, his heart racing inside of his ribcage, pumping the blood through his veins so loudly and so fast it made him nauseous, his lungs not expanding enough to get the amount of oxygen he needed. It took him a while to be able to get up and leave the men's quarters and, once he finally did, he only managed to stumble towards the door, gasping for air and shaking so violently he couldn't even stand on his legs properly, just like a baby deer.

He made way more noise than what he intended to on his way out, but no one woke up or followed him to check what was wrong, and for that he's thankful. He wouldn't be able to explain what happened, wouldn't be able to explain what fucked him so badly, wouldn't be able to explain how terrifying his nightmare was, the details quickly dissipating from his mind, getting blurred, like it never even happened at all.

Once he finally gets outside, the cold air of the dawn hits his sweaty skin like swords, gluing his clothes against his body. Taking off his hat, he runs a hand through his damp hair, wanting to pull it off chunk by chunk but not having enough energy to do so. He walks towards the railing without paying much attention to where his legs were taking him, the ship's movement suddenly getting too much for him to handle, too overwhelming, the waves crashing against the wood being too loud. He vomits everything he managed to put inside of his stomach during dinner onto the sea, only stopping when there's no food left to throw up and he just starts spitting saliva and bile, leaving a sour taste on his throat and a trail down his chin.

He feels miserable and pathetic, and just so vulnerable that he wouldn't mind if his body decided to give up and fall overboard, wouldn't even try to call for help or fight against his inevitable drowning. But he doesn't. In fact, he doesn't have time to get himself back together before someone approaches him, cautiously and without making any noise.

"Oi, you okay there?" Law hears then and turns around, taking a full look on the guy in front of him, a member of Bartolomeo's crew, someone so irrelevant that Law doesn't remember ever seeing him around the ship before, but having a face that now he's positive he's not going to forget so soon.

Realizing then that he left his sword in the men's quarters before stumbling out, Law makes his way towards the guy and grabs him by his neck with one hand, his fingers curling around it, his fingernails digging into the skin. He tightens his grip until he sees the guy's face turning red, gasping for air and trying to break free from Law's hand but without having enough strength to do so, a pathetic weak thing.

And then Law sees it, the look in the guy's eyes, the expression on his face, so full of fear that Law can almost smell it emanating in the air. It's so different from the way he got used to the straw-hats looking at him, and God, he has missed that, has missed being feared, has missed the terror on other people's eyes while looking at him and fearing what he might do, has missed the panic, the shaking, the fast breathing, all because of him, of what he is, of what he's able to do. It makes him feel like a wild animal, his heart hammering hard against his ribcage, the blood pumping furiously in his ears, loud and demanding for more, the voice on his head telling him to hit the guy, to break his nose until it turns into a hole on his skull, to cut him open until his guts fall off, to peel all of his skin until there's only flesh and muscle showing.

But Law shuts the voice off once the guy starts squirming and digging his nails deep into Law's hand, although he barely has time to register the pain before the realization of what he's doing hits him like a sea train. Law lets the guy go then, watching as his body falls onto the deck like dead weight, gasping for air and shaking violently. He gets up and tries to run away, barely being able to stand on his feet, but Law easily grabs him once more once he manages to, this time on the fabric of the guy's shirt, bringing his face closer to his own.

"You didn't see a thing," Law says then, low and menacingly, and only lets the guy go once he starts shaking his head furiously, tears falling from his eyes and running down his cheek, sobbing so violently his breaths come out as big and loud gushes of oxygen.

Law watches as he stumbles his way inside afterwards, disappearing and leaving Law all alone with his thoughts in the darkness of the night. The waves continue to crash violently against the ship. No one wakes up or comes out through the door, and it's just like nothing had happened at all. He wonders then what Luffy would think if he saw what Law did, wonders if he would interfere right away or wait to see what Law would do next, wonders if he would say anything at all, ask the reasons behind his action, disapprove it, mock him. Wonders if Luffy's trust on him would still be the same if he found out, if he would break his alliance with him right away, if he would also look at him in the same terrifying way as the guy did.

He doesn't go back to bed for the rest of the night, his mind too occupied, his body too drained out of energy. Instead, he finds himself a place to sit on the deck, away from sight, and watches as the sun starts to rise not long after that, people then starting to wake up and gathering in the kitchen for breakfast.

No one notices him until it's way past midday. No one confronts him about what happened either.

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Law doesn't really know why, but he starts training with Zoro regularly after that day, whenever the swordsman asks him too and until his own body is purely exhausted. He enjoys it probably way more than what he should have, enjoying the way he's able to feel his stitched arm regaining the strength it once had with each practice, enjoying how Zoro gets completely focused on him throughout the entire time, looking at him as an enemy but never once attacking in a way that could injure Law if he wasn't able to block it on time. He enjoys the fact that he has something to do, something to pass the time with instead of walking aimlessly through the ship. Enjoys the fact that Zoro doesn't take pity on Law's injured arm, and even tries to take advantage of that, pushing Law further with each attack. Enjoys the fact that he doesn't need to use his devil fruit abilities, it not being necessary as their swords and raw strength are enough to keep them occupied for hours.

But most importantly, and probably most surprisingly, Law enjoys the fact that each training with Zoro has Luffy's close supervision, no matter how much time their practice ends up taking. Enjoys the fact that Luffy keeps himself nearby whenever they start drawing their swords, and doesn't go away until it's all over, watching their match intently, his eyes digging holes on Law's back, making him feel self-conscious about his poor shape every time Zoro overpowers him, but also tremendously proud of himself whenever he's able to knock the other swordsman to his feet. Enjoys how in the end Luffy gives both of them a slight nod of approval before disappearing to do something else, as if nothing had happened at all.

Law knows the idea behind the trainings must have been Luffy's, him probably getting annoyed about Law's boring routine, and that fact somehow makes his chest warm up. Sometimes the trainings are a pain in the ass, sure, getting him exhausted and bruised by the end, but he finds out that he doesn't mind that fact one single bit. He feels his body getting stronger and his mood getting lighter by the day, mostly because being productive makes him feel less of a burden, less of a waste.

But, unfortunately, that doesn't mean his life suddenly became any easier, or neither does it make the nightmares go away, not even when he just collapses on his bed like a dead corpse, all his muscles twitching inside of his body with exhaustion, not needing to do much to fall asleep on top of the covers. If only, it makes them even worse, him not having enough strength to fight them back or to control his twisted mind and racing heart afterwards.

So, he starts borrowing some books from Bartolomeo's crew doctor too, trying to keep his mind occupied whenever he can, finding Nico Robin's company underneath the shade of the mikan trees, her eyes too occupied scanning the book on her lap to pay him much attention. But Law only manages to keep focused on what he's reading a few pages at a time, finding it hard to concentrate on the words in front of him whenever Luffy appears on the deck, making too much noise and running around with Usopp following him closely.

In fact, it's only when they disappear that Law manages to get through the one phrase he already read multiple times. And it's also then that Nico Robin decides to break the silence.

"Something seems to be bothering you," she says, her voice calm and without looking at him, instead flipping a page over and resting her chin on her palm, almost like she's talking to herself more than to Law. "Perhaps, it is due to the small amount of sleep you have been having?"

"I'm sleeping just fine," Law ends up responding, and it sounds like a lie even to his own ears.

"I see," she mutters, momentarily looking at him and giving him a smile before looking away towards her captain, appearing once again on the deck, this time with fishing equipment on both of his hands. Law watches as he settles himself not far away from them, sitting on the railing with his legs dangling out of the ship and tossing the fishing line into the sea, his bare upper body exposed to the sunlight and yelling at Usopp at how he's going to catch the biggest fish. "In any case," Nico Robin continues, smiling down at his book once more, "may I just say that sleeping with someone makes the nightmares less fearful."

Her words catch Law by surprise, making him look away from Luffy's back and clench his teeth together so hard his head starts hurting with the pressure of his jaw and the flux of blood pumping through his system, boiling hot with a sudden and unexplainable rage. Suddenly, as he looks at the book in front of him again, he can only see red. "What the fuck do you even know," he manages to spit out.

"I have had my fair share of nightmares," and she says it so carelessly and so normally that it makes Law want to punch her, make a sarcastic comment, but fuck if he isn't sure that's true as hell.

So, instead, he keeps his mouth shut and tries to calm himself under the raw scrutiny and silence that falls over them. He tries to resume his reading, but everything is suddenly too much for his senses, the sun being too bright despite him being under the trees' shade, Nico Robin's eyes on him being too heavy and making him feel uneasy and nauseous, like he's being turned open and analyzed from the inside out. He stays still for a while though, staring at the damn book despite not reading another word, listening to Luffy and Usopp's laughter in the background as they catch fish after fish, alongside with the sound of the waves crashing against the ship rhythmically and the seagulls just above.

It's weird how he's always the one acting differently, feeling out of place, being an emotional wreck. It's weird how everything around him is serene and peaceful, both during the day and the night, both with and without people. It's weird how he's never really able to fit in, to enjoy the parties to the fullest like the others do, to be able to appreciate small things like reading a book or fishing without his mind turning his thoughts upside down. As he looks at Luffy once more, he cannot feel anything more than pure jealousy. He wishes he too could enjoy the warm sun against his skin, getting rid of all the layers he always uses, wishes he could just so casually declare he will catch the dinner and promptly laugh out loud at the sky with every fish he catches.

As Law looks at Luffy's bare back, he wishes he could touch his skin too, wishes he could feel Luffy's muscles against his fingertips, run his hands down Luffy's soft rubber skin. Wishes he could grab Luffy's hair and dig into his exposed neck, feel the saltiness of the sea that Law's sure he has on him with his own tongue, leave a trail of red marks with his teeth behind.

The thought catches him by surprise and suddenly he feels like Nico Robin's still looking at him, now for an entirely different reason, reading Law's intentions towards her captain like an open book but, as he looks at her from the corner of his eye, he realizes she's not paying him any mind at all. It makes him feel weird, uneasy, uncomfortable and the feeling doesn't go away even when he raises up and storms off towards the kitchen, seeking a quiet and empty space to be left alone.

However, it's only when he's halfway in that he notices Zoro, sitting casually in the corner, a sword placed on his lap while the others were leaning against the wall right next to him. He looks at Law with his good eye and a raised eyebrow for a while, his face turning into an expression that Law can't quite read before he focuses once more on his sword, his movements gentle but precise.

As Law notices all the empty bottles of beer surrounding the other swordsman, he suddenly realizes just how dry his mouth and throat are. He opens the fridge mechanically and drinks down half a bottle of the first beer he sees in one go, feeling as the liquid makes his way down his system.

"Bring one for me too," Zoro tells him and Law complies without putting too much thought into it as he does so. Law grabs a chair along the way and puts it right in front of Zoro, handing him the beer and watching as he takes a few gulps before putting the bottle away, now empty, with a loud burp followed by a satisfied sigh.

With half of his own beer still on his hand, Law watches as Zoro resumes what he was doing before Law's interruption, taking care of his sword and ignoring Law's eyes on him entirely, his fingers moving along the length of the blade as if they're one with it.

"You seem troubled," Zoro states, not even looking up at Law, instead inspecting his work, bringing his blade to his eye level, the sunlight entering through the window behind him making it shine, making it look powerful, alive. He puts it away and grabs another, starting the process all ovee. "Robin sure does have that effect on people when she wants to."

Law decides not to respond to that, but Zoro doesn't seem to mind that at all. Instead, Law drinks the rest of his beer and puts the empty bottle alongside all the other ones on the floor, bringing out his own sword and placing it carefully on top of his thighs to clean and sharpen it like he should've done a long time ago, focusing on the soft rhythm of Zoro movements while doing so. Law feels the heaviness of Kikoku, feels the power contained on the blade, and for a while he doesn't notice the time passing by, doesn't notice Zoro finishing his two remaining swords, doesn't notice him looking at him with his good eye in silence, his mind too much of a mess.

"You killed Pika," Law hears himself saying without thinking, looking up just in time to see Zoro raising one eyebrow at him, giving him a prudent and dangerous look and, at first, Law thinks that he may have interpreted his words wrongly, that he has taken them has an accusation, but overall, Zoro doesn't seem too affected by the question, only nodding in response.

They fall into silence again and Law tries to concentrate on his sword, tries to figure out what words to say next, but he finds quickly that he's unable too, not with Zoro still looking at him, waiting, analyzing, not having anything else to do.

"You wished Luffy had killed Doflamingo, don't you?" Zoro asks him then, his voice cold and annoyed, like he already knew what Law wanted to say but didn't have the patience to wait for Law to actually say it. Zoro sighs when he doesn't get an immediate response, Law being too caught out of guard, and just raises from his seat, grabbing his swords and putting a hand on Law's shoulder. "There's no need to think too much about it now, he's just not like us," he says, then leaving Law all alone in the kitchen, Kikuko still on his lap.

It makes Law want to laugh then, to break all the furniture in the kitchen, to drink all the alcohol stored in the fridge, but he doesn't. Instead, he finishes cleaning his sword and heads out, feeling the soft breeze hitting his face as the sun starts to set on the horizon.

"Torao! Look!" He hears and easily spots Luffy in the middle of the deck, a big fish on his hands and a proud grin on his face, the Straw-Hats and Bartolomeo's crew closely inspecting the pile of fishes both him and Usopp had caught in a spam of a few hours. "We're gonna eat like kings tonight!"

Law cracks a smile at him, approaching the group and letting Luffy enthusiastically explain how he managed to catch so many and how difficult and powerful the last one was. As he looks down at Luffy, grinning and moving his hands around frantically while telling the details, Law realizes just how true Zoro's words are, just how different from everyone that Law has ever met Luffy is.

They do eat like kings later that night, just like Luffy said they would. In fact, they have so much food that they end up extending the dinner for hours throughout the night, with plenty of alcohol to drink alongside with it. Sitting in the deck against the railing with Zoro and Franky, somehow separated from the rest of the group and with enough food and sake for twenty people surrounding them, Law finds himself occupied watching as Luffy and Bartolomeo sang out loud some song that he doesn't know the name of before his eyes stop on a familiar face, looking straight at him. Easily recognizing him, Law stares back and the guy seems visibly frightened, quickly disappearing from Law's vision.

Law has seen the guy around the ship a few times after their incident, him quickly vanishing into thin air every time they happened to cross paths, but has never once seen him during meals or other situations that involved more people than only both of them, and that alone is enough to make Law feel on edge. For a moment, he contemplates the idea of going after him, frightening him some more, threatening him, but he decides against it once he realizes it would probably only make things worse for himself. Come to think of it, Law can't stop but find it weird how the whole incident had no repercussions whatsoever, how it was never once brought up again, how no one besides them seems to know what happened. Law was expecting the guy to tell his captain right away, was expecting him to at least tell something to his crewmembers, was expecting a confrontation of some sort, a discussion, a fight, just something, but nothing ever happened, and Law found it utterly frustrating just how easily he got away with it.

More so than expecting something to happen, Law was hoping it did and, as Law redirects his eyes to Luffy and Bartolomeo once more, he feels the sudden urge to get up and walk towards them, feels the sudden urge to tell Bartolomeo how he grabbed the neck of one of his men and how he could've broken it, feels the sudden urge to slice him open and watch as the blood pours out, watch as the life leaves his body until he can't sing along with Luffy no more. But, once again, he doesn't, instead remaining sat with sake on his hand and food on his lap, glaring to every person in front of him, feeling his blood boiling hot as he watches Bartolomeo drool over Luffy, following like a puppy, trying to catch his attention so desperately it's painful and pitiful to watch.

Law goes earlier to bed than everyone else, feeling too out of place and too stressed to be able to pretend he was enjoying the banquet more than what he strictly needed to. While laying down in the darkness, he's still able to hear everyone outside enjoying themselves, singing and chatting so loudly it's almost like Law is right there in the deck with them. But, even so, he's able to fall asleep in no time, muttering under his breath how annoying every single fucking person outside the men's quarters is, sliding into unconsciousness as easily as a tired child.

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One night, Law dreams about being chained to his own bed with seastone handcuffs, making him unable to set himself free and draining out his energy. He's alone in a dark room with nothing inside besides him and the bed, positioned right in the middle of it and exposed from all sides. He feels something crawling inside of him and, as he looks down to his stomach, his whole torso bare naked, he sees the skin moving as if something's underneath, as if his intestines are moving around like snakes. The bulge gets bigger as Law tries to frantically get himself free from the handcuffs, twitching his limbs in pain, almost dislocating his shoulder, but nothing seems to work, they're too thigh against his wrists and ankles and he's too tired, too weak. As times passes by, Law gets more and more agitated, and so does the thing inside of his belly, squirming around and eating his organs, making him cry in pain and beg for help, calling for every name that comes to his mind, Shachi, Penguin, Beppo, Jean, Luffy, Luffy, Luffy.

Then he hears footsteps approaching, hitting the floor in a rhythm that only increases his panic as they get louder and louder, Doflamingo then laughing hysterically once he enters the room, standing tall over Law and completely blocking the light coming through the door. He tells Law he's there to help him, pressing a cold hand against Law's torso and pressing him down onto the mattress, keeping Law still while cutting his skin open with his strings from the thorax down to his belly button, then laughing as vermin start to erupt from Law's insides, falling onto the floor and spreading through the rest of Law's body.

Law tries to get himself free from Doflamingo's grip but finds that he's unable to, that he's unable to make his body react to his intentions, instead staying still like he's frozen, like he has been sedated and is laying half-dead on the bed, only capable of moving his eyes to look around his surroundings, to see as Doflamingo's face twitches into a wide toothy grin, to watch as he suddenly gets surrounded by people using medical equipment, their faces so covered Law's not able to see anything other than their dead eyes. They start talking among each other, but Law doesn't understand what they're saying, too focused on the wound on his belly, now free of vermin but fully open and exposed, his internal organs displayed like the mannequins on his medical classes, moving and contracting with the flow of oxygen and blood. Then, Law realizes how he's no longer tied to the bed but is instead missing his limbs altogether, his arms being cut by the shoulders while his legs remain only down to his knees, bloody and rusty staples stitching the skin together in a disturbing and disgusting way.

Law joints awake then, fully covered in sweat and gasping for air, frantically checking his body and touching his torso, trying to reassure his confused brain how it was all just a nightmare and how he's not missing any limb.

He stumbles to get out of bed, stepping on the covers he had tossed to the floor on his sleep, and heads outside towards the bathroom to wash his face, the cold water then touching his sweaty skin and making him shiver. He stays there for a long while, just pouring water onto his face and letting it drip down his neck, then looking at his reflection in the dirty mirror just above the sink, repeating to himself out loud that it was all just a nightmare, that none of it was real, that he's safe. He lets the words sink in before venturing outside, feeling a lot more put together although his legs are still shaky and his mind is still a blur.

He's about to enter the men's quarters again when he hears a noise coming from the deck, putting him on high alert and at verge despite the rational side of his brain telling him he's safe there, that Doflamingo is way too far away do be able to catch up with them that easily. Even so, he heads towards the deck cautiously, walking slowly and silently, getting ready to use his room and to attack if necessary, but then he sees Luffy leaving the ship's figure, stretching his arms and yawning loudly. Law stays quiet for a while, just watching as Luffy heads to the railing, resting his elbows on the wood and leaning his body against it, looking down at the water, his straw-hat dangling in the back of his neck with the cool breeze of the night.

Law wonders then if he should approach him, maybe even attempt to give him a playful jump scare, wonders if instead he should just leave him be, go back to the men's quarters and pretend he didn't even see him there, wonders what course of action Luffy would prefer, wonders if he wants company at all, wonders why he's there at that hour of the night in the first place. Deciding he would be better off alone, Law starts doing his way back to the room, but he's only able to take a few steps before he stops on his track, hearing his name being called behind him. As he turns around, he sees Luffy waving at him, motioning for him to approach, to come closer, to keep him company.

"It's late," Luffy tells shim once Law gets close enough, and he can't stop himself from rolling his eyes in response to Luffy's obvious statement. "Any reason in specific to be awake?"

It gets Law by surprise and, for a moment, he curses his stupidity for not continuing his way to his bed like he first intended, for not ignoring Luffy's call, for not pretending he didn't even saw him there. "I could ask you the same thing," Law tells him instead, avoiding the question altogether.

"Touché," Luffy laughs and gestures vaguely with his hand, his laugh not having any trace of happiness at all and, as Luffy looks away towards the dark sea, Law notices unusual dark circles underneath his eyes, although they're barely even noticeable under the faint moonlight.

Law notices Luffy getting uncomfortable with the more he stares at him, senses him getting anxious, scratching the back of his neck and keeping his gaze focused on anything other than Law, and it makes him wonder if Luffy's feeling like he's been analyzed, like he's being read, just like Law has felt so many times already throughout the past few days. It makes him wonder what is going through Luffy's mind, what he's thinking, what he's hiding, what he's afraid of, it makes him want to know, but he doesn't ask anything, doesn't comment on how tired Luffy looks, doesn't ask if he has been sleeping alright. Instead, he averts his eyes from him, looking straight ahead, the sea in front of them more calm than normal and unusually silent, feeling how his sweaty skin cools off and makes him shiver as the breeze hits his body.

They stay like that for a while, just enjoying the view in each other company, but he senses Luffy getting impatient next to him, hitting his foot against the wooden deck.

"How long until Zou?" Luffy asks out of a blue, and Law suspects it's more of a way of making conversation than anything else.

"Around a week, I suppose," Law responds, and it's received with a dramatic reaction, Luffy letting his head fall onto his arms on the railing, whinning about how the whole thing is taking too long for his liking.

"I miss my friends," Luffy tells him, pouting like a child, and Law surprisingly finds that he can't really blame him. "Do you miss your crew too?"

_Too damn much_, Law thinks, but ends up just responding just a simple "yes". It has been so damn long since he has seen his crew, since he has seen his friends, since he has let Beppo give him one of his bear hugs, since he has heard Shachi and Penguin talking shit at each other and laughing out loud right after. It has been so _damn long_.

"Yeah, I bet you do," Luffy says and gives him a small smile, understanding what Law's going through, knowing what's like to be separated from his own crew too damn well. "Can't wait to meet them properly."

Law remembers then the events after the Battle of Marineford, remembers how no one from his men blinked an eye in opposition of Luffy's rescue, remembers how every single one of them was determined to save him and to make sure he would live despite neither of them having even spoken to him before, remembers how they did that just because Law told them to, no question asked. Law remembers Luffy laying on the bed of the medical ward of his submarine, half dead and covered in bloody bandages that were a pain in the ass to change, attached to all the machines they had on board just to be able to have his heartbeat stabilized but even so barely breathing on his own.

As Law looks at Luffy once more, he can't stop himself from wondering if the scar on his chest still hurts from time to time, wondering if he too relieves his traumas and has nightmares about his brother's death, wondering if they're as vivid as Law's, if they're as terrifying, if they also make him vomit and wake up covered in sweat. But, once again, Law keeps his mouth shut and doesn't ask him anything, instead appreciating the silence and peacefulness before Luffy gets tired of it once more.

"How's your arm? Do the stitches hurt?"

"Not really," Law says, raising his arm and moving it around. "It just feels strange at times."

"I see," Luffy says, watching Law's movements intently. "You've been doing good with Zoro."

Law rolls his eyes in response, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Don't act like it wasn't your idea."

"I only told Zoro to do it on the first time. I had nothing to do with the other trainings," Luffy says, bringing his hands up in surrender but laughing softly, silence then falling over them yet again, although this time it's different, heavier, more uneasy, but Law can't quite pinpoint how. "I like to watch you while you fight, you know."

"How so?"

"I don't know, I just can't bring myself to look away," Luffy simply responds, shrugging and it's ironic how he promptly looks away right after, avoiding Law's eyes like the plague.

Law finds it hard to come up with anything to say after that, finds it hard to also look away from Luffy then. He wants Luffy to explain further, wants him to say if that's why he always watches his trainings with Zoro from beginning to end, wants to know if he likes what he sees. But, once again, Law keeps his mouth shut, unable to form proper words, too afraid of the answers he could receive, and soon enough Luffy's yawning loudly, rubbing at his eyes with his closed fists like a small child.

"You should go to sleep," Law tells him instead, his voice sounding cold and distant even to his own ears, although Luffy seems completely unaware of it and just nods in agreement.

"You commin' too?" Luffy asks, sounding just like an invitation and, for a moment, Robin's words play inside of his head over and over again. _Sleeping with someone makes the nightmares less fearful_. As Law looks at Luffy though, he sees nothing more than sleepiness, his eyes glazed and yet so fucking inviting it's hard to tell him that he's staying for a while longer, and it's even fucking harder to watch him go away, stopping just before entering the men's quarters to wave at him a goodnight, then disappearing and leaving Law all alone in the deck.

Touching his chest with his hand, Law feels his heart beating hard against his ribcage, and he has to remind himself how that is what feels like to be alive. He wishes Cora-san was there with him to give him advice, wonders what he would say, wonders if he would laugh at his face and at his choices, wonders if he and Luffy would get along. As he looks up at the dark sky, he remembers Sengoku's words and plays them over his head, seeking some kind of comfort in them.

_"And you live your life as you like. That's what he would say."_

When Law finally goes to sleep later that night, he heads to his bed like he normally does, walking on a straight path and passing by all the other beds with people snoring loudly, completely unaware of everything. However, he stops by Luffy's bed almost unconsciously, noticing how instead of occupying it all like he normally does when fast asleep, it has a lot of space left behind him, his body curled into a ball near the edge. Before he has time to stop himself, Law gets himself underneath the covers and lays down next to him, back against back, the bed creaking with the sudden addition of weight. He has a hard time falling asleep, his mind being a mess, thinking about how weird it all is but not managing to regain enough energy to get up and leave to his own bed.

Much to Law's surprise, neither of them wake up until much later in the morning.

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**Feel free to leave a comment or a PM^^ **

**_Nodus Tollens_**** \- the realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore. **

**_Mamihlapinatapai_**** – a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey there^^**  
**So here it is, the third and last chapter of this story, I hope you've enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was a fun little break from the never stopping growing monster that is my main story hehehe**  
**This chapter will contain smut, in case you don't already know, so if you find any mistake or inaccuracy please warn me so I can correct it right away, as I'm not that used with writing this kind of stuff and I want to portray it in the best way as I can. I honestly cannot stress enough how much I've blushed while writing this, so actually, any kind of feedback is appreciated really.**  
**So anyway, thank you for reading this story and, as always, I hope you enjoy this chapter ~**

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Law takes a while to wake up, the sun hitting his face and warming up his skin, making his eyes hurt once he finally manages to open them. He gets confused at first, not recognizing the bed as his own, but then remembers what happened, remembers Luffy snuggling closer to him while sleeping until he was half on top of him like a koala, remembers Luffy snoring softly next to his ear, his chest moving against his own arm with each breath, remembers Luffy mumbling quietly things he didn't manage to understand, his hot breath warming up Law's face and making him shiver.

As Law raises himself onto his elbows to look around, he finds that Luffy's nowhere to be seen, the mattress being empty and cold next to him, and neither is anyone else inside of the men's quarters, him being totally alone, surrounded by total silence, not even knowing what time it was. He stumbles out of bed and out through the door, the smell of food quickly filling his nostrils as he heads towards the kitchen, following the loud noise of people talking. Inside, his senses get overwhelmed too quickly, there being too much noise, too much mess, too many people, the space feeling crowed and too small, claustrophobic, chaotic.

He doesn't notice Nico Robin approaching him with a cup of coffee in between her hands, doesn't hear her heels hitting the floor while getting closer to him. In fact, Law only notices her presence once she's right there next to him, her perfume forcing him to get back to reality. "Good morning," she says then, smiling at him with that disconcerting smile of hers, "You arrived just as lunch was over. I'm afraid there is not much food left for you."

As Law looks at her, he sees nothing, and he realizes how much he hates the fact that, with Nico Robin, he never quite knows if she's being ironically condescending or if she just fails miserably at being friendly, hates the fact that she always seems to know something that he doesn't, always analyzing what he says and what he does, hates the fact that she looks like she can read his mind and his thoughts most of the time.

"I'm not hungry anyway," he simply responds, shrugging dismissively and hating how his stomach disagrees with him right after.

She gives him a small giggle in response, deciding that it's not worth mentioning anything more. Instead, she resumes her analysis on Law's face and stops her eyes on his hair, her lips curling upwards just so slightly that it's barely even noticeable. "I see that you followed my advice," Nico Robin points out, bringing her hand up to pet his hair like he's a fucking dog, but doing it so fast that Law barely has time to snatch her hand away. "And I see that it improved your amount of sleep as well."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Law quickly cuts her, feeling uncomfortable and leaving her side, then entering further into the kitchen. He picks up the remaining pieces of food that managed to survive Luffy's appetite and puts them on a plate with more force than what it's necessary, then goes to grab a beer from the fridge and sits in the corner, watching as the people start to leave the kitchen one by one not long after, the noise getting less and less until Law can only hear the sound of the plates being washed and stored by the cook and two other members of Bartolomeo's crew, them talking quietly among each other, occasionally throwing soap and water at each other but besides that not making themselves known. He eats slowly, taking way too much time chewing every mouthful he takes, tasting everything to the core despite deep down knowing he misses Sanji's food, misses its rich flavor and its texture.

But he's never admitting that out loud.

As Law brings his hand up to touch the top of his head, he notices how he must've forgotten his hat on Luffy's bed, senses just how messy and how bed-like his hair is underneath his palm. Looking to the window right next to him, his sees his own reflection on the dirty glass and tries to tame his hair the best as he can manage before just giving up altogether, looking angrily at what's left of his food instead, like it has all the blame in the world. It's hard for him to believe that he actually overslept that much, that he slept for at least ten hours straight without having a single nightmare or without anyone waking him up involuntarily as they headed out of the men's quarters, it's hard for him to believe that Luffy, from all people, let him sleep without bothering him, without making noise while rolling out of bed.

Sighing, he looks through the window and watches as everyone resumes their daily chores and activities, walking around the deck completely unaware of Law's eyes on them. He stays there for a while, just observing, but he finds that he can't spot Luffy anywhere and, despite telling himself he's not looking for him, neither does he hear Luffy's loud laughing or his screams while playing some stupid game with Usopp. Somehow, he ends up not noticing how he finishes eating his food, and neither does he notice another man approaching him before he touches his arm, his clothes soaked wet and full of foam, looking nervously at Law but keeping a smile on his face.

"Have you finished?" He asks, pointing at the empty and forgotten plate in front of Law with a finger.

Law only nods in response, confused as to why he's being approached, but then quickly realizes once the guy's face breaks into a grin and grabs the plate with both of his hands. "I can wash it," Law quickly tells him, trying to have the plate back, but the guy snatches it away from his reach too quickly.

"It's okay, I already got my hands dirty," the guy says before blinking at him and heading towards the kitchen sink once more, leaving Law looking confused at his back, noticing the unusual swing of the guy's hips with each step he takes.

Deciding to ignore it, Law instead leaves the kitchen, walking around the deck and realizing embarrassingly how he doesn't have anything to do and anywhere to go. He sees Nico Robin, once again sat under the mikan trees' shade reading a book and not even paying him any mind as he passes by her, sees Franky with his tiny hand fixing his robotic eye with a tool that Law doesn't know the name of, sees Usopp sitting dangerously on the railing and drawing something on his sketchbook with a concentrated expression splashed across his face, sees Zoro sleeping against the mast with his hands crossed behind his head, snoring loudly with his mouth open. Yet, Luffy's nowhere to be seen, and Law finds it quite annoying how he doesn't see Bartolomeo anywhere either, drooling over the straw hats, following them closely or just watching them creepily from behind something.

He decides then to go sit down next to Zoro, not making enough noise to wake him up and crossing his arms in front of his chest, looking at the deck in front of him, the sun hitting him directly and warming up his body, although not being hot and bright enough to become uncomfortable. Law feels so fucking tired of being in that damn ship, so fucking tired of Bartolomeo's crew, so fucking tired of not having anything interesting to do, of seeing the same people every single fucking day, of not having a space he can call his own or at least have some alone time for himself, to sort his thoughts out, to be able to breathe without having anyone screaming nearby, running, playing, annoying him to the fullest. He's so fucking tired of the long waiting, the long journey, the anticipation of finally arriving at Zou and to finally see his crew again, hear them talk shit and laugh out loud right after, hug them, feel them close, alive, safe and just _there_.

He's so fucking tired of everything, of things not going exactly as how he planned them to go, of people interfering and ruining everything, and he's even more fucking tired of not being able to do anything to stop them and to anticipate the future, of always jumping into the pitch-black hole without knowing if there will be a way out for him. It's terrifying not knowing if they will be able to defeat Kaido, not knowing if his plans will lead to their deaths, both his crew and the Straw-hats, not knowing if he'll be strong enough to prevent that from happening, not knowing is he's doing the right thing, if his alliance with Luffy was the right choice, if-

"I can sense your brain being overloaded from here," Zoro says next to him, sounding annoyed and opening his good eye to look right at him before yawning loudly, "don't you ever give that poor bastard a break?"

Law can't help but snicker in response. _As if I'm able to do that_, he thinks. "It is used to it by now," he responds instead, not wanting that conversation to happen, not with Zoro and not with anyone.

"Let's hope it never overheats and explodes then," Zoro laughs, punching Law playfully on the shoulder, but hard enough to shake his balance, proposedly hitting the part where the stitches are holding Law's arm together, and it's with surprise that he realizes it doesn't hurt as much as it should right after.

"And why would my brain do that?" Law asks, rolling his eyes and watching as Zoro raises up, stretching his arms on top of his head and grabbing his swords from the deck.

"How the fuck would I know? Do I look like a fucking doctor to you?" Zoro says, his voice sounding harsh but with a smirk playing on his lips, making him look predatory, teasing Law, infuriating him, challenging him. "Pick up your sword already. Let's train."

And Law does, feeling his system getting filled with excitement, feeling his heart pumping the blood through his veins, fast and boiling hot. He smiles as he watches Zoro taking off the upper part of his green coat, letting it fall over his sash**, **exposing his scarred and toned chest, although his way of intimidating Law has fallen flat a long while ago, now seeming more of a show-off than anything else. Even so, Law mimics him, taking off his own hoodie and exposing his torso for the first time since he has put his feet on that damn ship, revealing his three new scars from Doflamingo's gunshots and getting immediately aware of all the eyes on them, on him, but Law being too focused on Zoro to pay them any mind, smirking at him dangerously, like he too senses this training is going to be a lot different from their previous ones, like he too senses that this will be more than a simple training, a confrontation, a duel.

"Use your abilities," Zoro tells him and it catches Law by surprise, as they never once needed to use more than their swords and raw muscle strength, but he shouldn't. In a way, Law has always felt like Zoro was testing him, evaluating if his skills were good enough to be considered suitable for an alliance with his captain, trying to make out if he will be of any use in the end, if he will be able to fight alongside Luffy, to protect him if need be, and now that he got the real confirmation of it Law can't help but feel more out of shape than ever. It makes Law want to prove himself more than anything else, makes him want to be approved even though he's well aware of what he's capable of, of what he can do in a real battle when his life is at stake, when his friends' lives are at risk.

"You sure?" Law's asks, smirking, drawing Kikoku slowly and lifting it up just enough for the sunlight to reflect on the blade, making it shine with excitement and with need for a fight, for blood, Law feeling it's power pulsating from his hand to his whole body, demanding, wanting to overtake him, to cut flesh, to be coved in fresh blood. "It's sharp now."

Zoro smiles at him in response, looking predatory, scary, making Law's blood boil, now for a different reason, like he's being mocked, laughed at. Zoro draw's all his three swords and puts one in between his teeth, the others being held firmly on both of his hands. A fool would think he looks ridiculous, but Law knows better, way better. "So are mine. I want to actually be challenged this time."

Law doesn't have time to register how quickly the deck gets empty before Zoro starts an attack, the people around them already knowing how violent their trainings tend to get and how much space they need, sensing the energy and power emanating from their swords as they clash with each other. Zoro is brutal, savage, attacking him like he's a mere pray that is annoyingly offering too much resistance, but he's also surprisingly understanding, telling Law to focus every time his mind starts to ramble, attacking Law harder and faster right after, pushing him forward. And Law does, using his devil fruit to shake Zoro's balance whenever he sees the opportunity, destabilizing him, making him lose his patience and attack more irrationally, then taking advantage of that.

As their fight goes on, Zoro's attacks change, him focusing on Law but also on their surroundings, on everything around them that could be thrown at him with Law's room, on everything that could be moved, memorizing their places and noticing when they're not there anymore. Law finds it annoying how fast and how well Zoro adjusts to his techniques, how fast he realizes Law's main purpose was to disrupt his concentration, but it also makes their training a lot more exciting, a lot more challenging, both of them changing their techniques once the other gets too used to it, modeling their fighting styles to the opponent, once or twice almost knocking each other out of the ship.

They get so into the training that they don't notice how the hours pass by, how the sun starts setting. In fact, they end up fighting until it's dinner time, them being too focused on each other, planning their next move, calculating possible strategies, and it's all so goddamn rewarding that, by the end of it, Law can't stop a full-on smile from taking over his face, his whole body sweaty and exhausted but so fucking satisfied with the release of energy, his lungs working hard to control his fast breathing, his heart beating loudly inside of his ribcage.

"Once we're back at Sunny, you'll train with me, work on these muscles," Zoro tells him, his breathing shaky as well, approaching him with a grin and pointing at his arms.

"My muscles are just fine," Law simply says, and it's true, unlike Zoro, he has never been the kind of person to prioritize on gaining a ridiculous amount of muscles on his body, believing that alone isn't enough to win real battles.

"Yeah, but they can be better, stronger," Zoro snorts, rolling his eye and obviously not agreeing with him, then his tone falling dead serious once more, "just how they need to be."

For a moment, Law's not sure what he's implying, if he thinks Law should get stronger just because that's what one should do, or if he thinks Law's currently too weak, and the thought gets inside of Law's head like a parasite, corrupting his mind, overloading it all over again. As he looks at Zoro to ask what he actually means, he notices how his eye keeps focused on something behind Law's shoulder and, as he turns around, he sees Luffy looking right at them from his position on the head figure of the ship, sat on top of it with his legs folded underneath him, his back turned to the sea and looking like he has been there for hours, watching them, watching _him_.

He senses Zoro huffing next to him and going away, his heavy footsteps echoing against the deck, but he doesn't look in his direction to see him heading towards the kitchen, his eyes instead being too focused on Luffy, being caught under his intense stare, Law suddenly feeling uncomfortable and exposed without his hoodie even though Luffy has seen his bare torso innumerous times by now. Yet, the look Luffy gives him somehow feels different than before, and Law can't help himself but wonder if he too thinks that he should get stronger, that he needs to do so, that right now he's just a burden, a dead weight, a fucking weak burden. And the feeling doesn't get any better as he watches Luffy leaving his spot and making his way towards him, only stopping until he was a mere few inches away from him, close enough for their arms to almost touch, skin with skin.

"I thought you said sitting there was weird," Law finds himself saying, sliding Kikoku back into its scabbard, his voice rough and still breathless. It makes Luffy snort in response.

"I needed to think," Luffy simply says, shrugging and rolling his eyes once Law arches an eyebrow at him dubiously, then hitting Law's good arm playfully and leaving a sense of skin burning behind.

"About what?" Law asks, noticing how Luffy averts his eyes from him almost instantly, looking away and focusing somewhere else behind Law instead. He could swear he sees Luffy blushing then, getting uncomfortable, maybe embarrassed, a color covering his cheeks, but it's so faint that it's barely even noticeable, it's barely even there. And it all just causes Law to be dead curious, forcing Luffy to look at him once more by putting his own body in front of whatever he was looking at, crossing his arms in front of his chest, still bare, and noticing how Luffy traces the lines of his tattoos and stops on his new scars before looking up at his face. "Is it something I should know?"

"It's nothing really," Luffy says, smiling but it not reaching his eyes as it should, it not showing the right amount of teeth to be convincing, it being just _wrong_. "I want to fight with you again."

Luffy's words catch Law by surprise, him remembering their first fight, remembering how powerless he was, how weak, how pathetic, in contrast with Luffy that just felt so fucking strong, so fucking powerful, manhandling and overpowering him like it was nothing, throwing him against the deck and throwing himself at him without mercy or any second thought. It makes Law wonder if Luffy wants to see improvement, if he wants to check if his trainings with Zoro have had any payoff or if it was all just a waste of time, if he wants to check if Law's a worthy opponent now, if at least he will present a decent amount of resistance.

But as Law looks at Luffy's face he sees nothing like that, doesn't see any second intention, anything at all, just Luffy being Luffy, simple, innocent and with so goddamn much trust. It makes Law wonder if maybe Luffy just needs to release his energy, and for some reason it makes Law feel even more anxious, makes his brain start wondering too much, thinking too much, makes the blood once again pump fast and boil hot through his system, makes him aware of just how excited and burning with anticipation his body feels, despite his muscles feeling sore and purely exhausted, makes him realize how much he wants to fight with Luffy again too, how much he wants to feel his punches, to feel his strength, to feel his skin against his own, so warm it burns. And Law finds it all so fucking surreal that he only manages to ask a low "when?"

"When they're all asleep," Luffy says and gives him a real smile in response, his eyes shining, scanning Law's face and stopping on his hair. He then tilts his head to the side and looks at him funny, like he's about to laugh but is controlling himself in the worst way possible, and suddenly Law's once again hyper-aware of the mess his hair must be, now completely sweaty and probably all over the place.

"Don't you dare say a fucking word about my hair," Law threatens him, his voice low and cold, but the only result he receives his Luffy laughing out loud at his face, mocking and pointing at Law's head like it is the funniest thing he has ever seen. For some reason, it doesn't annoy Law as much as it should, but he still walks away, grabbing his hoodie from the deck and heading towards the bathroom to take a quick shower, to clean his head, hearing the sound of Luffy still laughing in the background until he blocks it with the bathroom's door.

It's only when he looks at his reflection in the mirror that he realizes he's smiling like an idiot and he wants to break it to pieces.

.

.

.

By the time Law enters the kitchen, his hair still wet and dripping onto his shoulders, the dinner is more or less halfway through, but there's still plenty of food lying around for Law to eat until his stomach hurts. He sits next to Franky and another guy from Bartolomeo's crew, barely even having enough space to maneuver his arms to cut his fucking food. Franky pours him sake and doesn't let his cup get empty once, always refilling it and demanding Law to drink with him, which he complies without thinking too much about it.

At some point, Zoro joins them with his own bottle, drinking directly from it and sighing satisfied every time he takes a long gulp, emptying most of the bottle in one go only to go grab another one right after. Zoro and Franky talk loudly with each other, Law only occasionally joining their conversation, but enjoying hearing their stories anyway, learning things about the Straw-hats that otherwise he wouldn't even imagine.

Once again, Law doesn't notice the people around him leaving, doesn't notice the kitchen getting less and less crowded until there's only them and a few others cleaning the mess left behind. In fact, Law only notices how late it is when both Franky and Zoro get up to leave, yawning loudly and asking if Law's coming too but not waiting long enough for an answer.

As Law stands up, he quickly realizes how much he has drunk and how tipsy he feels, his legs suddenly shaky, his lips numb, his whole body feeling almost as if he got general anesthesia, being hard to control. Once he steps outside the kitchen, the realization that Luffy is once more nowhere to be seen hits him like a kick in the stomach, makes him feel disoriented, confused, not knowing if he should wait there until everyone was asleep or not, realizing then that Luffy never specified at what hour he wanted to fight with him, if it was right after everyone went to bed or if it was supposed to be way later during the night.

Cursing under his breath, he stumbles his way to the men's quarters and heads towards his own bed, noticing Luffy's empty bed, untouched, grabbing his hat as he passes by. As he lays down on his own bed, not even bothering to take off his shoes or to get underneath the covers, he closes his eyes but tells himself that he's not going to fall asleep, that he's just resting his tired body while waiting for Luffy to come and tell him it's time for their fight, low and close as to not wake up anyone sleeping in the nearby beds, to not catch undesired attention, to not warn anyone about what they'll do, as if it's their secret, something only them are meant to know.

But Law still falls asleep, his body being too exhausted and his mind too weakened by the alcohol for him to be able to fight and remain awake. Law doesn't notice Luffy entering the room and climbing onto his own bed, and doesn't notice him climbing back down after a few hours, doesn't hear his footsteps getting closer and doesn't hear them stopping right in front of him. In fact, Law only joints awake when he feels a warm hand over his shoulder, calmly shaking him until he opens his eyes, Law's vision being blurred with sleepiness and the remaining effects of the alcohol he drank but still seeing Luffy, standing tall over him with his face closed off.

Luffy leaves when he notices Law starting to stand up from his bed, his sandals barely even making any noise against the wooden floor. Law's brain complains when he sits upright, demanding for him to go back to sleep again, remembering him how tired he is, how good the mattress feels against his back, how soft his pillow his underneath his head, but Law shoves the thoughts aside, instead getting out of bed and following Luffy through the door while trying to not wake up anyone else. And he finds it weird really, how he gets overwhelmed with the feeling that he's doing something that he shouldn't, that he's crossing a line, a barrier, that he's doing something wrong.

But he still goes after Luffy anyway, leaving Kikoku behind and deciding to jump into the pitch-black hole without thinking about a way out, without minding if there isn't one for him to take.

He finds Luffy in the middle of the deck, waiting, seeming impatient, juvenile, but at the same time emanating an authority that Law wasn't expecting, that Law wasn't ready for. He gets closer to Luffy without thinking, like he's being drawn towards him, like he's being hypnotized by his intense stare, and he is immediately met with a punch in the face, so hard it makes him stumble back to the ground, feeling his skull shaking and his ears ringing with the sudden impact.

Law smiles as he tries to get up, his knees feeling weak, shaky, his body suddenly getting overwhelmed with adrenaline, his pulse accelerating, his heart hammering against his ribcage as if it wants to break his way out. He licks the blood from his upper lip, running down from his now bruised nose, letting the taste linger on his tongue. As he looks at Luffy, standing still and waiting for Law's attack, he sees blood dripping from his knuckles, hitting the deck right underneath him, and suddenly there's nothing more than the other captain on Law's mind, nothing more on his vision, him being so concentrated on Luffy that he forgets about everything else around them.

Instead of attacking out of range like Luffy wants him to, Law creates a _room_, so big and so fast that Luffy only notices being teleported once his stomach is met with Law's closed fist, so hard it sends him flying against the railing, hitting it hard with his back and coughing blood right after. Law can't help it but feel his insides twitch with excitement as he watches Luffy getting up, grinning at him in a way that Law has never seen before, seeming purely predatory, enjoying the pain, Luffy's eyes shinning with ferocity, looking at Law like he wants to devour him, it sending shivers down Law's spine.

Their fight after that is brutal, raw, and way more intense then their first one, way more intense than all the trainings Law has had with Zoro combined. Luffy attacks him with no mercy, with no pity, without second thoughts, and doesn't expect Law to react any differently, taking in Law's punches with his whole body, not dodging any and only trying to block a few, almost as if he's enjoying getting beaten. And so Law responds in the same way, giving and receiving without stumbling, without breaking, feeling his bones break one after another, feeling his muscles complain, his skin getting bruised, the blood pouring out from his nose, from his mouth, from his knuckles and from all the new wounds on his body until he's covered in them, until his hoodie is so soaked in red with blood that Law's not sure if it's his or Luffy's.

At some point Luffy gets rid of his cardigan, now also a mess, bloody and ripped, and throws it to the floor like it's nothing, getting right back into fighting position, his arms lifted in front of his face but without blocking his view, his fists closed, waiting, not for Law's next attack but for Law to mimic him, just like he did with Zoro a few hours ago, waiting for him to take his hoodie off and also throw it aside. And Law does, revealing everything he is to Luffy, not hiding anything from him, not pretending to be something he isn't, letting his animalistic rage take over, for once not thinking about his next move, about anything at all, just launching himself at Luffy, returning to their fight and not even minding when Luffy doesn't seem to be the slightest bit afraid of him, instead enjoying how it only makes him more excited, how it makes his attacks more frantic, more powerful, more difficult to take in.

And that's the thing about Luffy, he always finds strength and energy to keep going, to keep pushing himself further and further until he surpasses his opponents, if not by strength then by persistence, by pure will power. And that's the thing that Law watches unfolding right before his eyes, as he gets weaker and more exhausted with every punch he gives, Luffy only seems to get stronger, faster, more powerful, more demanding, both by punching Law and by receiving, now stumbling in pain but always getting up, always attacking right after, always coming after him.

And that's when Law notices it, once he stops being controlled by rage and once his brain cools off, his rational side taking over, sending warning signals, warning him about how they're crossing every single barrier, every single line. It's only then that Law notices how him and Luffy are not so different from each other after all, it's only then that he notices how damaged Luffy actually is, not from their fight but from everything that has happened to him, not on the outside but on the inside, him only deciding to hide it differently than Law does. For a moment, Law sees the Luffy that left his submarine on a rampage two years ago right in front of him again, desperate, frantic, confused, attacking everything he sees not with the purpose of hurting anyone other than himself, and suddenly Law isn't able to fight anymore, can't bring himself to keep doing what Luffy wants him to.

So Law stops attacking altogether, instead dodging Luffy's punches and blocking the ones he's not fast enough to get away from, using his room to get away from Luffy when he's too close. He senses Luffy getting annoyed, angry, but he keeps doing it anyway, noticing how Luffy's posture shifts, how his attacks change, how his punches start hurting less but touching more, lingering over Law's skin for longer. Law lets Luffy manhandle him once more, lets himself fall backwards against the deck, lets Luffy climb onto him and grab his neck to keep his head still, lets him punch his face as much as he wants, feeling the blood pouring out, his ears ringing, his skull breaking. Law lets him do whatever the hell the wants, not even trying to block his punches, not even trying to retaliate.

Law looks keeps looking at Luffy despite barely even being able to keep his eyes open with each new punch, seeing how dilated Luffy's dark pupils are, seeing how his chest expands with his fast breathing, sensing how his body trembles on top of him with all his energy and all his strength. But most importantly, he sees how fucking beautiful he looks despite all the blood, all the bruises, all the swelling, and watches as Luffy also comes back to his senses then, suddenly realizing how much he has exaggerated, how he lost control, stopping with his closed fist in the air and looking at Law with a mortified expression on his face, breathing so fast it makes him shake.

"Why aren't you attacking?" Luffy asks, his voice so rough, so breathless and so full of regret that it's almost like Law's mind had imagined it. "Why aren't you fighting back?"

So Law gives him a grin in response, an honest one, and he can only imagine how bloody and how gruesome it might look, can only imagine the state that his face must be in, but does it anyway, because he wants to, because he feels alive. "I just can't bring myself to."

"Why didn't you tell me to stop then?" Luffy asks, his voice sounding small, pained, bringing his clenching fist down and letting go of Law's neck, then looking at both of his hands, covered in blood, full of cuts and wounds, a bit of bone showing on his knuckles.

"Because I didn't want you to stop," Law says and it's probably one of the most sincere things he has told Luffy since he has met him, and Luffy just looks at him, confused, but then his eyes soften and Law's sure he knows, is sure that he understands what it all means. This person underneath Luffy is whom Law really is, is whom Luffy has accepted allying with, broken, shattered, a pure mess, and despite that realization being painful Law can't help but feel like he's lighter, can't help but feel that now at least with Luffy he won't need to pretend anymore, can't help but hope Luffy will do the same around him.

So he laughs, despite it making his body hurt more, despite knowing that he must look horrendous, and Luffy joins him right after, the soft sound of his laughter filling the air, getting mixed with the sound of the waves crashing against the ship, filling Law's chest, warming it up.

Luffy eventually falls down next to him, hurt and tired, a mess just like he is, just like he feels, and they stay like that, watching how the stars contrast in the dark sky in silence like two maniacs, their shoulders touching, all the blood on their bodies getting dry, making the skin underneath itch, but neither of them minding, neither of them moving a muscle to get up and leave.

"What if it doesn't work?" Law hears himself asking, and his own voice sounds different even to his ears, sounds vulnerable, foreign, small. "What if we're not enough to defeat Kaido?"

"We'll get stronger and try again," Luffy responds simply like he always does, not doubting his words, not hesitating, not skipping a heartbeat. And it all just seems too surreal, too abstract, Luffy's ability to just go with the flow and where the wind takes him being just too different from Law's design, from Law's habit of thinking and rethinking about things until he's sure he has covered all the possible outcomes over his mind, all the possible strategies, all the possible plans, from A to fucking Z.

"It's not that easy, and you know it," Law tells him, not bearing to look at him, instead keeping his eyes focused on the sky above them, finding it hard to move his body even to let the words out. "We may not have second chances."

Luffy stays silent for a little while then, and Law's sure he's weighting his words, taking them in, thinking about everything he has lost and won't be able to have back, to restore, to enjoy again, just because he has lost his one and only chance to do so already. "Then we should live our only chance the best way we can," Luffy still says, carefree, like that's an easy thing to do, "my brother always told me I should live without regrets and that's what I intend to do."

And Law can't help but suddenly become too overwhelmed, Luffy suddenly becoming too much, being too close, the skin of his shoulder being too warm, too inviting. Sengoku's words then play on his head, over and over again, _And you live your life as you like. That's what he would say_, and for a moment Law wishes he could get a second chance with Cora-san too, wishes he could see him again, hug him, talk to him once more, wishes he could tell him everything he has learned after he lost him, wished he could tell him all about his friends, all about his adventures with them, their victories, their achievements, wishes he could talk to him about Luffy, about his future plans, wishes he could tell him about how right he was, about how there really are good things in this world worth fighting for, wishes he could tell him just how glad he is for not having blown himself up when he had the chance, when he was still a child, blinded by pain and darkness, wishes he could tell him how happy he is about not having running his only chance at living.

They stay like that for as long as their wounds let them, until eventually the pain is too much to bear with, until eventually everything gets too uncomfortable. Law gets up then, urging Luffy to do the same while grabbing their clothes from the floor, then teleporting both of them into the ship's ward with his room. Once inside, he tells Luffy to go sit on the bed, opening all the drawers to get what he needs to threat both of their wounds and taking a chair with him as he starts doing his way back towards Luffy, placing it right besides the bed and sitting there, their height difference then being balanced.

Law starts cleaning Luffy's face and Luffy's wounds then, being careful and gentle over the still opened ones but noticing how Luffy still makes a face despite not once flinching away from him, the room quickly getting filled with the smell of ethyl alcohol.

"You should take care of yourself first," Luffy tells him once Law starts using his _room_ to fix his bones and his internal wounds, to reduce the swelling, to treat the bruises and close his cuts.

"What kind of doctor do you think I am?" Law asks rhetorically, his tone flat, him being too concentrated on what he was feeling underneath his palm to be able to register anything else. "Now don't move," he tells him and Luffy complies without arguing, letting Law feel how his soft skin starts to reconstruct itself with his help, lets Law feel how his muscles tense underneath his touch whenever he moves his hand to a new place, lets Law feel his fast pulse, his heart beating in a fast but healthy rhythm.

Law quickly starts bandaging Luffy's right hand then, once he's done with his chest, not letting his hands linger over Luffy's skin for longer than what they strictly needed to, covering the place where the bones of his knuckles were exposed gently, it needing a few more time to heal properly by itself. He can feel Luffy's eyes on him then, watching intently as he does his job, so close that Law finds it quite overwhelming and difficult to ignore.

"Your face looks really bad," Luffy says, stating the obvious, his voice low, his hot breath hitting Law's face with the proximity, and Law can't help but snort in response.

"I'm aware."

"I'm sorry," Luffy tells him, and Law looks up at him, arching an eyebrow at him, noticing how Luffy doesn't look as sorry as he should be, under the circumstances, under the current state of Law's face, but, once again, it's not like it's anything that his devil fruit abilities can't fix.

So Law just shrugs it off as nothing. "Don't be," he tells him before standing up, walking towards the small mirror on the opposite wall of the ward to finally give his wounds proper attention, all of them having stopped bleeding so overall his negligence on them not ending up being too problematic.

As he looks at his reflection, he barely even recognizes himself, but he's still surprised to see that, other than on lips and on his left eyebrow, there are barely even any open cuts that would take more than one or two days to heal, the rest coming down to swelling and bruises that with luck will be gone in the morning, most of the blood covering him having come from his nose. So he cleans the dry blood with a wet towel and closes his eyes right after, focusing on using his _room_ on his torso first before moving up to his face, checking on his muscles and on his ribs, looking for any fracture and only finding a few minor ones.

He thought Luffy would leave as soon as his wounds were treated, thought that he would feel tired from having let out all that amount of adrenaline and energy, thought he would let Law all alone to fix the rest of the mess, but he never hears him do so, never hears footsteps walking away, never hears the door opening and closing right after. Instead, Law feels Luffy's eyes on him, craving holes on his back, burning his skin, him just watching Law repeat the process all over again, now on himself, taking longer, having more things to fix, more work to do.

When Law opens his eyes and looks at Luffy through the mirror, he finds him in the exact same position, his torso still exposed, still naked, a few scratches here and there but, other than his bandaged hand, it's like their fight didn't happen at all, it's like they weren't just ripping each other's apart a few minutes ago. Only, it did, it happened, Law knows it did, knows that there's no deleting the episode from his memory, knows that there's no turning back. They crossed barriers that can no longer be lifted up again, they shared something that wasn't meant to be shared, to be seen, and it makes Law feel a bit raw on the inside, makes him feel like he was turn apart without his permission. For a moment Law thinks if Luffy's thinking the same, if he's feeling the same, if he too feels vulnerable, exposed, but Law quickly realizes that isn't the case. As their eyes meet through the mirror, Law can't help but notice Luffy's dark pupils dilating once again, now for an entirely different reason, now feeling like another type of hungry, another type of predatory, being so mesmerizing that Law finds it hard to look away, just like he's being hypnotized.

And the whole thing catches Law by surprise, unprepared, tossing the now bloody towel onto the trash and turning his whole body towards Luffy, looking at him dead in the eye, feeling the words getting stuck on his throat, scratching it until he's only able to faintly tell him to stop, his voice sounding miserable and pathetic, so small it's not even enough to convince himself.

"Stop what?" Luffy asks innocently, tilting his head to the side and grabbing at his ankles with both of his hands, leaning a bit forward, his legs being crossed underneath him, and Law can't help but notice how his posture and his words don't match his eyes, don't match the look he keeps giving Law, looking deliberately at him from under his eyelashes.

"_That_."

"Why?" Luffy asks then, getting up from the bed and walking towards Law, slowly, never breaking eye contact with him, circling him like a shark swimming around its prey, waiting for the right opportunity to bite in, to take a chunk of flesh out, only to devour it whole right after, "am I making you uncomfortable?"

For a moment, Law, doesn't want to respond, doesn't know if uncomfortable would be the right term to describe how he's feeling, doesn't know if Luffy's aware of what he's doing, if he's doing it on purpose or if he's just being innocently oblivious like he always seems to be, not even realizing how many things a simple look can mean, a simple expression, a simple touch. For a moment, Law isn't able to tell if he's reading the moment wrong, isn't able to tell if Luffy's acting like he normally does, the only difference being Law's interpretation of it, isn't able to tell if he's imagining it all, but then Luffy licks his bottom lip with only the tip of his tongue, looking at Law's mouth deliberately before looking back up at his eyes, the movement being so slow that Law's sure it was intentional.

"Yes," Law ends up responding, dryly, stepping backwards and hitting his hip against the corner of the desk, noticing too late how Luffy has cornered him, how he has gotten too close, looking up at him with those eyes of his, so big and so inviting, his scent filling Law's nostrils, making him dizzy, their chests almost touching, skin with skin, Law suddenly realizing how he stopped breathing altogether, how he feels as if he's burning from the inside out. "We can't."

Luffy frowns at that, but he doesn't move away, doesn't flinch, instead watches Law's face, analyzes it, so close and so directly that Law has to look away from his intense stare, feeling his heart hammering against his ribcage, so painfully and so loudly that he's sure Luffy's able to hear it too. "We can do whatever the hell we want," he hears Luffy declaring, his voice low and rough and just so fucking inviting. He looks down just in time to see Luffy getting even closer, tracing the lines of the tattoos on his chest with his finger, his lips slightly parted, brushing ghostly over Law's jawline. "That's the whole point of being a pirate, isn't it? Do whatever you want, whenever you want to."

Law grabs Luffy by the neck then, the act being so sudden even himself was surprised when he pushed him against the nearest wall, lifting him up from the floor and hearing his straw-hat getting crushed behind his back. But Law doesn't stop when he realizes what he's doing, in fact, he only tightens his grip around Luffy's soft neck when he notices that, instead of the pure terrified look the other guy gave him, instead of fear, he's only met with lust, feeling Luffy's fast pulse underneath his palm, feeling the hotness and softness of his skin, is only met with a look of pure desire, of full thrust. And Luffy's just so close then, so hot, so fucking inviting, and then Law realizes just how much he fucking wants to kiss him, realizes how he should let him go and walk away, how he should leave before he could ruin their alliance forever, before he could make things even more personal than what they already are. But Law doesn't, and instead lets the smell of blood mixed with the disinfectant fill his nostrils, takes it in and it makes him feel dizzy, like he's drunk, makes him want to taste it, to bite into Luffy's chapped lips.

As he looks into Luffy's eyes, he tightens his grip around his neck, raises him a bit higher, but he still sees no hesitance, no fear, so he leans in until his nose is touching Luffy's cheek. "I could kill you right now with my own bare hands," he says next to Luffy's ear, his voice low, dangerous but, other than feeling a shiver run under his palm, he still sees no reaction from Luffy, no change, no second thought.

"Do it then," Luffy says instead, his voice rough but now for a different reason, and Law feels his Adam's apple move underneath his hand, feels him swallowing hard right after.

The thought crosses his mind like a flash, makes him wonder if Luffy's bones would make the same noise as a normal person's do while breaking, makes him want to cover his hand in haky and find out, but he doesn't, and instead keeps looking into Luffy's eyes, hoping for a change, for a drop of fear, the way Luffy keeps looking at him while thrusting completely that he wouldn't do anything then making him angry beyond words. "You shouldn't trust me, you should-"

"Be afraid of you?" Luffy cuts him, and the way he says it is harsh and cold, distant, hitting Law like a punch in the stomach, but it's true, that's how Luffy should be perceiving him, he should be wary, vigilant, afraid of the possibility of Law betraying him. "That's ridiculous."

"I'm a fucking pirate," Law tells him, as a way of justification, as an explanation of sorts, but he doesn't add the part where _pirates don't fucking trust each other, pirates betray each other_, instead letting it only play on his mind, letting it be implied on his words.

And Luffy grins at him in response, getting it all wrong, his lips curling at the corners, showing just the right amount of teeth, his eyes looking at him intensely, challengingly, grabbing Law's forearm to lift himself up only the slightest bit despite having the ability to stretch his neck all the way he wants. "Then act like one."

_You live your life as you like._

_Do whatever you want, whenever you want to._

And so Law does just that, letting his hand go of Luffy's neck and kissing him once his feet touch the floor, their mouths clashing hard against each other at first, Luffy taking a few seconds to push back against him, their lips then moving fast, uncoordinated, them being too eager to take control over the other, their tongues being too eager to explore, to touch, to feel. In a way, they're fighting all over again, trying to conquer each other's mouths, Luffy being raw, brutal, demanding and just so fucking hot, his hands being all over the place, running them all over Law's chest, touching _everywhere_, leaving Law's skin burning behind, tracing his tattoos and then stopping on Law's neck, craving his nails on its skin before moving to Law's hair, taking off Law's hat and then pulling him down, closer, deepening their kiss.

Law takes off Luffy's straw-hat right after too, pulling away from Luffy's mouth just for as long as it took for the string to get out of the way, putting it somewhere on the desk next to them, and then grabs Luffy by his hips, yanking him up and pushing him against the wall once more, taking advantage of Luffy being caught by surprise to dig into his neck, breathing in Luffy's scent like he's drunk, tasting Luffy's skin on his tongue, feeling its saltiness, feeling the sense of disinfectant and alcohol mixed with the metal taste of blood. Law bites into Luffy's soft neck until he's sure it will leave marks behind, until Luffy's arching against him, exposing his neck even further, giving Law full access, full permission, grabbing Law's hair and scratching his scalp, letting go a few of the hottest moans Law's has heard in a while.

Law leaves Luffy's neck and goes back to his mouth once he curls his legs around his hips for better stability, pushing himself up and rocking his hips against Law, then moaning into his mouth when Law slips his hands to his ass, cupping and squeezing it, bringing Luffy so close he feels his cock through his pants, demanding for attention. The realization of what they're doing crosses Law's mind then, makes him realize how bad he's fucking everything up, makes him realize how they started doing everything wrong right from the beginning of their alliance, makes him realize just how much he anticipated that moment, how much he imagined it, how much he wanted to know what Luffy's mouth tasted like, not since Punk Hazard, not since he saved him from Marineford, but since the very first moment he saw Luffy in the Human Auction House, so violent and so reckless, so defiant and so appetizing. Makes him realize just how much he fucking wants Luffy, how much he fucking wants to see him, to feel him, to have him, and that realization is so brutal and so crude that Law ends up losing his battle against Luffy's tongue, him quickly taking the control over their kiss, making Law pant breathlessly in between kisses, not giving him time to rest, almost as if Luffy has forgotten to breathe altogether, almost as if he doesn't need to.

And for the second time that night, losing control over the situation makes Law feel good, makes him feel more excited, makes him more attentive to what really matters, to the sounds Luffy makes whenever they move, to the feeling of the outline of his cock pushing through his shorts, demanding attention, space, brushing against Law's belly just enough to get noticed, just enough for Law to move a hand over it, tracing over its length and then pulling back just to see Luffy's mouth hanging open, him gasping for air.

"I want you to fuck me," Luffy pants then, breathlessly, his voice rough and so fucking good that Law can't help but moan against his mouth with the thought, realizing just how much he wants to, just how much he needs to, so he grabs Luffy's sash and yanks it away, throwing it somewhere into the floor.

"You sure?" Law asks, despite having all the positive indicators displayed in front o him, a part of his brain still believing that this was not the reality, that eventually it would all become gruesome and violent and that Law would then wake up, sweating and shaking on his own bed, but he decides that he doesn't want to wait for that to happen, and instead carries Luffy once again to the bed when he gives him his enthusiastic consent, giving Law a few nods before being pushed down onto the mattress, the whole bed shrieking with the sudden addition of weight. "I want these off," Law tells him, looking directly into his eyes while he gets rid of Luffy's shorts and underwear with only one fast movement, exposing everything, noticing how instead of shying away Luffy just seems eager to get his hands all over Law again, now with a better angle.

But Law doesn't let him, it would be too easy, so instead he positions himself in between Luffy's legs and pushes him backwards when he tries to sit up, pressing him down against the mattress and taking a full view of him, taking everything in, enjoying the view, him fully naked and flustered, his cock arching tall, wet with pre-cum. And the more Law looks the more he's certain that he would be able cum just by jerking off while looking at him, but he doesn't want to, he wants more, _way more_, he wants to feel more, to touch more, wants to make Luffy beg and call his name, wants to make him arch his body for him, wants to make that fucking bed shriek so loud so that everyone on the ship will know what they're doing.

So he lets his hands linger on Luffy's thighs before he steps back to go grab the condoms and the lube he knows are stored in the far-right cabinet, hearing Luffy complain the moment he does so. Law feels his legs shaking once he heads back once again, his whole body trembling with anticipating, his own cock feeling neglected, throbbing inside of his pants, hurting with need, but he decides to ignore it for a little longer, instead grabbing Luffy by his hips and pulling him closer, digging his fingers into his flesh and bending down, their mouths crashing violently against each other, being sloppy, wet, needy, Luffy rocking his hips up against him, wanting friction, attention, Law then taking advantage of his new position to pour lube onto his fingers and slide them inside of Luffy, feeling as his rubbery skin molds itself around his finger, not needing lube to open up just right but Law doing it anyway, not wanting to cause painful friction, enjoying too damn much how Luffy's mouth falls open once Law slides another one inside of him, how he moans loudly when Law starts moving them in the right rhythm, rubbing against just the right spot.

"You can't break me," Luffy pants against his mouth, grabbing Law face with one hand to keep it still, to keep him looking at him, digging his nails onto Law's shoulder with the other. And Law knows that, knows that too damn well, knows that he could get right into business without needing any of that, but he doesn't stop, not giving Luffy what he wants just yet, instead enjoying the effects of his teasing, enjoying all the sounds Luffy makes, enjoying the control over him, enjoying Luffy's face, his mouth hanging open, inviting and so hot, his skin glowing and burning, enjoying how impatient it all makes Luffy be, how he arches into his fingers, thrusting into them, wanting more.

Law leans in into the curve of Luffy's neck, biting and sucking the skin, feeling how Luffy's Adam's apple moves and how he gasps once Law moves his other hand and in between them, touching Luffy's cock only slightly at first, cupping his balls, and then curling his fingers around its length, stroking Luffy in an agonizingly slow rhythm and spreading the pre-cum along his length, biting into Luffy's collarbone when he complains. "Torao," Luffy pants next to his ear, but Law ignores him, ignores how he runs his hands into his hair, how he grips it tightly, pushing, tugging, and instead leans down and flicks his tongue over Luffy's hard nipple before taking it fully into his mouth, playing with it with his tongue, sucking gently until Luffy's complains turn into moans and he's arching into his mouth. Law takes his times with the scar on his chest too, tracing it with his lips and his tongue, leaving it shiny and wet with his saliva, proud to be the one that has made it, proud to be the one that has saved Luffy that day, proud for having been useful in something on his life, for having done something right.

"_Please_," Luffy pants, sounding desperate and so fucking needy, and only then Law obeys, moving his mouth into Luffy's once more, feeling Luffy getting more demanding, more impatient, hungry, devouring Law like he's a piece of meat.

Law's hands are shaky when he pulls back and fights to get rid of his own pants, opening one condom and sliding it down his own cock, feeling painfully neglected, spreading the remaining lube in his hand along its length in the process, and watches as Luffy licks his own lips as he takes a full view of him for the first time, opening his legs for him obscenely. Pulling Luffy closer once again, Law trusts into him with no ceremony, with no mercy, instead watching as Luffy leaves out and open-mouthed groan, rolling his eyes and arching for him before both of them find a rhythm that fits them just right, Luffy then curling his legs around Law's hips for a better angle, grabbing Law's neck and bending him down, their mouths meeting in the middle.

The sounds are the best fucking part, so wet and so dirty, Luffy moaning and whimpering with each thrust, arching his back, exposing his neck, exposing everything for Law to take, thrusting back against him, making Law go deeper, faster. "God, you're so fucking loud," Law groans against Luffy's mouth, sucking at his bottom lip, then swiveling his hips to go deeper, harder, grabbing Luffy's hips in place and making him moan and whimper even louder, enjoying how he's not calling him Traffy or Torao but Law, Law, Law, enjoying how salty Luffy's skin is, how smooth, how it smells just so good that Law feels like he's high every time he digs his mouth onto Luffy's neck, biting and sucking its skin until he sees red marks left behind.

Law's on the verge way faster than what he wanted to, Luffy being too tight, too warm and feeling too damn good for him to be able to restrain himself properly, finding it too damn hard to hold himself. He doesn't fight back when Luffy manages to flip them over and almost makes them both fall off the bed, sitting on top of Law and pushing him against the mattress with both of his hands, making him lie down and watch as he moves up and down on his cock, Law then feeling as his own body floods with warmth, the bed shrieking with every of Luffy's movements. Law grabs his thighs at first, digging his fingers into the flesh, and then brings one hand up to grab him by his hair, making Luffy bend down and pulling it just enough to expose his neck for him to take once more.

It doesn't take long for him to feel Luffy shaking on top of him, panting hard, calling his name rough and breathlessly, so he bites on his neck and slips a hand in between them, stroking Luffy in the same rhythm of his thrusts. And it also doesn't take long for Law to come hard inside of him, unable to restrain himself for any longer, breathing in Luffy's scent, feeling all the energy leaving his body but keeping stroking Luffy's cock until he feels it pulsating against his palm, Luffy's mouth then falling open, groaning against Law's shoulder loudly and fucking himself against Law's hand until he's coming into Law's belly unceremoniously.

They stay like that for a while, Luffy's face buried deep into the curve of Law's neck, his hot and fast breathing making Law shiver, his hair itching against Law's face, so messy and so wild that Law can't stop himself from running a hand through it, making Luffy turns his face to him, sweaty and flustered, looking at him with tired eyes and a small grin on his lips. Law stays still for a few moments, catching his breath and feeling his fast heartbeat getting back to normal, his heart no longer hammering against his ribcage, instead listening to Luffy's soft mumbling without understanding what he's saying, staying laid down underneath Luffy until the cum starts to get dry and itch on his skin, feeling how his brain sobers up from the ecstasy as his body gets taken off by fatigue. He slides from underneath Luffy then, him complaining right after, and throws the used condom into the trash bin, cleaning himself with a cloth and throwing it away into the trash, it falling on top of the blood-covered towel that he previously discarded.

As he looks to the trash bin, full of evidence of everything that happened that night, he can't stop his mind from quickly getting overloaded with thoughts, from pondering about the consequences of his actions, wondering just how much the fact he and Luffy having sex will affect their dynamic in the future, how much it will affect their alliance, how much it will ruin it. As he looks back at Luffy, still laid down in the bed, he sees him looking at him with a blank face, reading into Law's silence and into his awkwardness but not saying anything, not commenting, not asking him to get back to bed for a while longer, not asking him for a second round, not saying anything at all, just watching Law in silence, waiting.

"We should take a shower," Law tells him instead, not bearing to look at him properly, grabbing their clothes from the floor and deciding that he can deal with the mess they have turned the ward into later in the morning before Bartolomeo's doctor wakes up.

"I'm too tired," Luffy responds, his voice so quiet it's barely even audible, but raises from the bed either way, walking slowing towards Law and rubbing at his eyes, completely naked but still looking completely innocent, Law then using his room and shambles to get them both into the bathroom, the tiles being cold against Law's feet, making him shiver.

Law turns on the shower and waits until the steam fills the bathroom to get in, Luffy following him right after but just standing there, not even bothering to get underneath the hot water, instead just looking at Law, trapping him once again, Law then realizing that he'll not stop until he realizes what it's going through Law's head, what it's bothering him all of a sudden, and for some reason it makes Law feel happy, knowing that he cares and that he's still there, knowing that it wasn't all just a nightmare after all, but it also makes Law feel uncomfortable, urging his brain to come up with an explanation but only managing to give Luffy a faint answer that it's not even enough to convince himself. "We ruined the alliance."

Luffy snorts in response, rolling his eyes but with a small smile playing on his lips, and Law can't help but notice how much tension seems to get off from his shoulders then, Luffy finally meeting him underneath the water jets. "I think we made it better actually," Luffy tells him, drawing closer, closing his arms around Law's hips and keeping him still, water running down on both of their faces, "a _lot_ better."

And Law can't help but smile down at him then, wishing he too could be so carefree about things, so open about how he feels and how he thinks. In a way, Law wants to get mad at him, to argue that this will have implications, consequences, both good and bad in the future, wants to tell him that now he can no longer pretend that he doesn't care about him for more than what their alliance requires, can no longer pretend that he didn't want to have sex with him right from the very beginning, can no longer pretend that the alliance wasn't just an excuse to get to him in the first place, his true purpose being hidden underneath the common goal of wanting to defeat Kaido. But just like everything on Law's mind, he finds that he can't bring himself to admit any of that out loud, and instead just bends down and kisses Luffy softly, knowing for certain that he already knows all about it.

"With regrets or without them, don't you dare die on me," Law tells him, and can't stop a grin from forming on his face when Luffy just declares how ridiculous he is, his voice so light and so comforting that it makes all of Law's worries go away.

* * *

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**_Nodus Tollens_ \- the realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore.**

**_Mamihlapinatapai_ – a look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin.**

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